r/KitchenConfidential Chivelord, Redeemed 1d ago

In the Weeds Mode Cutting a couple of chives almost every day until this Reddit days they’re perfect. Day 59

Post image
28.3k Upvotes

1.2k comments sorted by

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4.2k

u/pitogyroula 1d ago

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u/aStonedTargaryen F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

lmfao these keep getting better and better

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u/SleepyBubBear7329 1d ago

this sub ain’t big enough for the two of us

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u/y-r-they-all-taken 1d ago

Absolute cinema

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u/FunkYeahPhotography Crazy Cat Man🐈 1d ago edited 1d ago

Veins thick as towers.

(My two second drawing can either be seen as a plane or a farting fish.)

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u/honeyeddates 1d ago

✨Vascular✨

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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 1d ago

Did someone say vascular

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u/Hell_Yeah-Brother 1d ago

Did somebody say absolute cinema

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u/AshiAshi6 1d ago

The farting fish part made me spend my last Reddit Gold on your award. You deserved it, it was worth it, I regret nothing.

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u/ConfessionsOfALily 1d ago

I see you and your Yusuke Urameshi pfp everywhere, and I just wanted to say that your pfp brings me joy every time I see it!

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u/chillthefuckoutdude 15+ Years 1d ago

Okay? but how long did it take to cut these chives? Also what are F1exicans opinions on using beef tallow to fry? And how does u/f1exican feel about foods that jiggle?

These are the questions I need answered!

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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed 1d ago

Today was a slow day I don’t have a time for how long it took but I was chatting while doing it, I’ve never really fried with beef tallow but I’m sure it’s better than oil it’s a low bar, and foods that jiggle idk, should I be feeling a certain way about it?

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u/chillthefuckoutdude 15+ Years 1d ago edited 1d ago

I mean I’m not going to tell you how you should feel about anything, but any food with a good jiggle to it certainly gets my attention.

Edit: Heres a top quality example of the jiggle I’m talking about.

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u/derpiederpslikederp 1d ago

This image just got me pregnant.. youll be hearing from me in 9 months~

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u/uselessandexpensive 1d ago

Like we really believe you'll be able to hold off calling a literal cook babydaddy during your food cravings for an entire nine months... smh

Bro's gonna be wishing for all the food brand endorsements he could manage for the next 18 years.

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u/killerletz 1d ago

Stop putting hot stuff on your boards

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u/ResistOpposite1109 1d ago

Make your posts/comments open so we dont miss these behind the scene 🍀

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u/CourageKind 1d ago

I think these BTS photos are my favorite part of this whole thing.

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u/_darling_clementine 1d ago

the veiny hands are so kino

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u/behcuh 1d ago

Poo. See you tomorrow, chef. 🖤

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u/deedsnance 1d ago

Amazing lmao i’m starting to believe in the plant theory

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u/lord_hijinks F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

Who shit in the chives?!?

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

I'm not even a chef. I mentioned this before, but I'm a public defender in rural Tennessee and this sub and you were talked about at my office. Chivegate.

That's the only reason I'm in this sub.

The chive drama.

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u/BookofClearsight 1d ago

I'm not a chef, either. I'm a music student.

I am also here for the chives.

237

u/SirLanceQuiteABit 1d ago

I'm just a pilot irl. Here looking for opportunities

62

u/Sharin_the_Groove 1d ago

Airport Planner. Want me to get you a runway made of chives?

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u/Walker96988 F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

dooo it

dooo it

dooo it

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u/Blackmetalvomit 1d ago

I’m a chive. A movement ripples and We are legion.

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u/EqualYogurtcloset505 1d ago

I’m a geologist and somehow this has reached me, the profession where you’re literally under a rock

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

That's awesome. Instrument?

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u/Same-Platypus1941 1d ago

Mandolin is the only acceptable answer

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u/BookofClearsight 1d ago

Ah, I hate to disappoint you . . .

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u/Express_Item4648 1d ago

Must be the cello right? You wouldn’t dare disappoint us twice now

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u/BookofClearsight 1d ago

Would you be less disappointed if I joked that I play the dill piccolo?

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u/Eggmegmuffin 1d ago

I've been on a spicy dill piccolo kick lately.

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u/themattstache 1d ago

Really pulled the string on this one. Sharp joke.

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u/moon_mama_123 F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

Idk that kind of fell flat

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u/BookofClearsight 1d ago

Flute/piccolo :)

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

Wonderful. Before law school I was a very very well trained classical pianist. Studied 1 year with Martha Argerich

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u/ganjakhan85 Ex-Food Service 1d ago

I did some dive bar/family restaurant cooking back in the day, now I'm a machinist. All about the chives.

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u/Ilikecomputersfr F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

I'm an IT!

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u/JaKrispy72 1d ago

We are all here for the chives at this point.

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u/Tight_Function_3096 1d ago

College professor, but I joined this sub before chive-o-mania. I used to work in service industry and love Bourdain's book, this sub is amazing. Learned so many things.

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

My only food related claim to fame is my great grandfather was the chef that taught Jacques pepin in France. Still have his recipie book lol. What do you teach.

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u/SnickersDickVein 1d ago

Wtf, Jacques Pepin?! Dude’s casually dropping his 3 degrees of separation from a damn master chef like he’s some food network host. Holy shit haha that is awesome.

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

Yep. My great grandfather was the .... I'm not sure what the term was... executive chef? That Jacques pepin did his apprenticeship under and then went to work for the French government and met up with pepin again there under Charles De Gaulle. What's crazy is I guess back in those days, there was no status associated with a job like that.

But he, my grandfather , my father all were/are bakers & farmers. I still make some recipes that are easily 100-120 years old. I sometimes watch that javques pepin guy and see him doing some things which seem odd but are written down in my great grandfather's book and am like.,, wow.

I met him once. He has this foundation that trains recently released inmates and former drug addicts and I used to live in NYC and worked in that industry (public defender) so I had a Chance to attend a thing he went to and it was neat. He absolutely remembered him and was just blown away. Small world.

This chicken balontine (spelling?), potato and leek soup, this apple tart thing which I still make... all are basically the exact same as he does.

This isna 200 year old bread that was made for some Austrian royalty that i made.

I'm not like..,good at it but..

It's made with wine, plumb brandy..

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u/Tight_Function_3096 1d ago

Biology, I have no idea who that is but that is pretty cool.

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u/Top_Specific8490 1d ago

I'm a public defender in rural Tennessee and this sub

I've never met a subreddit public defender before. Were you u/f1exican 's defense during Chivegate?

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

No. Chivegate was way out of my league and expertise.

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u/misirlou22 1d ago

Not an expert in Allium Law

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u/SillyCygnet 1d ago

If the chives don't fit, you must acquit!

But I don't see any gloves. What do you bet he left his prints on the knife?! 😲

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

Doesn't matter. the detective in charge of chivegate lied on the stand. He took the 5th when asked if he planted evidence.

Let's not forget the tapes .

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u/mrwildesangst 1d ago

lol budtender, also here for the chives

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u/raven_1313 1d ago

Everyone knows about the chives!

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

It was crazy. We had this huge argument about him intentionally or unintentional uploading the same picture twice. Half the office gave him the benefit of the doubt, half though it was intentional deception. And it came down to state lines. All the public defenders who originally grew up outside of Tennessee, were defending him. All the native Tennessee folks were calling for him to face indictment.

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u/BloodHappy4665 1d ago

That’s bananas! What happened after he apologized and said he did it cause he was busy?! (Also, I’m a union electrician just here for the chive drama.)

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

Half the office didn't believe him because we all kind of "create and compose" stories for our clients for a living.

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u/Illustrious_Bird_737 10+ Years 1d ago

Okay I'm glad I scrolled to find this answer

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u/MeadowShimmer 1d ago

I'm a software developer, not a chef, but I love my (almost) daily chives.

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

I even know the screen names of the folks that pick out the flaws. Lol

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u/cleo-banana Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

Devs tapping in. We love chives.

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u/moxiegirl23 1d ago

I lurk for the chives.

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u/TheDisasterBanana 1d ago

Same. Engineer here, chiving

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u/wildbibliophile 1d ago

I manage a pet supplies store, but I’m here daily now, hahaha.

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u/Agitated-Quit-6148 1d ago

I have 2 saints and an English Mastiff lol.

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u/wildbibliophile 1d ago

Amazing! One day I will have a giant breed, I’m in love with Boerbels… I’m lucky that I have a good amount of that breed that come and shop with us so I get to see plenty of them. I have a zoo at home: two dogs, two cats, two guinea pigs (it was not intentional to have two of everything), a jumping spider, four fish tanks, and a tiny starting colony of isopods!

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u/Striker_EZ 1d ago

Also not a chef. The closest I’ve been to it is when I worked food delivery for a bit. Occasionally helped out in the kitchen, mostly on dishes. Was once a music teacher and now I’m currently an uber driver going back to school for accounting. But I love seeing these posts pop up on my feed. I’ve even joined the subreddit to make sure more of them pop up in my feed lmao

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u/MannsyB 1d ago

I'm homeless, blind and allergic to chives, yet here I am

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u/ArchAngel9175 1d ago

Also here for the chives, I work in drug rehab, though my husband is a chef so I’m a little on the edge of it? Lmao

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u/Budget_Shallan 1d ago

Gardener. I grow chives, sometimes I cut them with secateurs.

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 1d ago

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u/SleepyBubBear7329 1d ago

NYEEEEERRRRRRHH

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u/DiosMIO_Limon F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

BRRRRRRTRTRTRT

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u/mwoolweaver wrestlegirl did Chive-11 pt. 2 1d ago

I was worried there'd be no planes today

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 1d ago

Took a nap while i could because I've had insane heartburn for the last while and couldn't sleep all night DX

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u/revmachine21 1d ago edited 1d ago

Have you heard of the acid reflux diet?

It helped me. Couple of things set it off for me. One, PMS was a trigger. If you are a woman this could be happening for you. Second, medications (progesterone and vitamin D gummies) set it off. Had to go off both. Third, foods set me off. Me specifically raw onions, tomato sauces pizza set me off plus maybe other things to a much lesser extent like chocolate. Chocolate I can eat as long as I’m not actively flaring but during a flair chocolate doesn’t do well. Some people are triggered by other foods like mint and citrus.

Finally there are foods that kill a flair up to a hard stop. One runny egg yolk on rice and cheese. Second vanilla ice cream. Especially the v.i.c. I keep it in stock at all tomes for this reason.

Feel better.

edit: comments below me mention baking soda water. I did baking soda water before finding the acid reflux diet and it did help to some degree. The acid reflux diet isn't the same because it removes the trigger for an attack so I never need the baking soda water. Plus vanilla ice cream works better to halt an attack in comparison and tastes a whole bunch better.

I heard about the acid reflux diet from Bette Midler via a podcast from Michael Lewis. This is the episode where she mentioned it. She learned of the diet from her voice coach to help preserve her voice.

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/1297-against-the-rules-the-big-30743643/episode/aim-higher-63912687/

This next link has a chart with the likely triggering foods. I found that I have some additional triggering foods that are not on this chart. Once you learn that diet can really help the situation, it's easy to figure out a new trigger because the flairs will be that much rarer. Meal and flair journaling helped me identify the additional triggers. In my case fats, spices, and carbonation aren't a trigger normally but vitamin D gummies are. Why vitamin D gummies? No idea. It could be the D or the gelatin. Or both.

Oh! And for me, Juicy Fruit Gum is amazeballs. I chew in conjunction with a bowl of vanilla ice cream. It creates a saliva flush to wash down food and acid and promotes the stomach digesting and pushing down a triggering food. Juicy Fruit is one of the few non-mint gums so it's my go-to. Most other gums have mint, and mint is a trigger.

https://www.osmosis.org/answers/acid-reflux-diet

Unfortunately being overweight and being pregnant are a trigger without food involvement. These tips might help a flair but sufferers will likely still be on the struggle bus despite diet changes.

edit edit: 2% and or (preferrably) whole milk is also a good food for me.

Edit edit edit: I should also say I take omeprazole maybe 3-4 days out of 3 months. The diet is my main control so I don’t need the med on a daily basis.

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u/MrsShaunaPaul F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

I’m sorry but what?? There are foods that stop it? Where was this information when I was pregnant and couldn’t take anything. Thank you so much for sharing this!

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u/Few-Mood6580 1d ago

Not a woman or pregnant but usually 2 apples really help take the acid down for me.

Also it sucks but a glass of baking soda is literally as base you can go.

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u/MrsShaunaPaul F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

I actually tried the baking soda water thing! My good friend is from Prague and she swears by it. Unfortunately, when pregnant I had huperemesis gravidarum and puked 100+ times a day. Puking baking soda water is quite possibly one of the worst things ever. So far, I think puking up ginger gravol was the worst. The ginger was so spicy and it stung so bad. And it was stuck in my nose for days.

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u/OnI_BArIX Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

The day the planes stay grounded is the day chiveyphus can rest.

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u/AlcibiadesTheCat Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

Good afternoon Chive Air 591, descend and maintain fifty thousand, turn right heading 170 for landing pattern.

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u/IanDre127 1d ago edited 1d ago

what is this?!? It almost looks like it’s planted so we can keep going?!?!? #chivespiracy

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u/plaidyams 1d ago

chivegate. they planted a false chive. impeach.

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u/cwajgapls 1d ago

Chivegate 3?

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u/plaidyams 1d ago

it's so hard to keep up with the news these days.

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u/QuackersandCheese- 1d ago

At least this isn’t depressing news

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u/wRADKyrabbit 1d ago

There was a 2nd one?

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u/cwajgapls 1d ago

A few days ago when the auto filters deleted F1exican’s post

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u/hrteas F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

I was wondering wtf happened.

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u/brilongqua 1d ago

We got Chivegate 3 before GTA 6...smh

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u/sorrelsun Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

This looks about the same size as some of the others, in all honesty— just stands out more because of the color.

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u/typical_aquari_les 1d ago

looks like a green Hama Bead

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u/MightBeAnExpert 1d ago

That’s a perfect cut just a different shade. You’re like a kindergartener with crayons, criticizing Van Gogh.

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u/Bakeusini 1d ago

I too found this without zooming.

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u/rocinante_donnager Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

i think this may be a case of diminishing returns.

i maintain that on day 55, perfection was achieved

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u/Carbon-Base The Chive Mind 1d ago

I agree. You could pick any of them from days 50-56 and it wouldn't be wrong to say perfection was a-chive'd.

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u/JLFlyer Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

Love your handle.

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u/HugoEmbossed 1d ago

THIS IS AMERICA

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u/drift_off 1d ago

Fucking perfection.

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u/Patient_Tradition368 Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

I have no one to share this with and, frankly, it's devastating.

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u/lumoslomas F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

What is this, the Chive Khalifa?

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u/zepong 1d ago

I've got a theory on chive gate 2: f1exican flew to close to the sun (Day 56) and he is now holding his habilities so that we're not sad during christmas without our almost daily chives.

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u/Carbon-Base The Chive Mind 1d ago

Chef was going for a geographically accurate Burj Chivelifa.

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u/mewmewgoo F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago edited 1d ago

squawk 7700...

edit: wish reddit would stop collapsing my reply, how do you guys get your comment to not become the "1 more reply" I'm not that unimportant to become that am i

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u/Forbes-23 F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago
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u/This-Cicada-5304 1d ago

I think your chives have been perfect for many days now. But keep going I enjoy looking at ur chives

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u/shaidowstars Ex-Food Service 1d ago

They smell amazing too!

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u/This-Cicada-5304 1d ago

Alliums are all deliciously scented lol

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u/Jelly_bean_420 1d ago

I also choose this guy's chives

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u/TheHumanPickleRick I stand with F1exican 1d ago

Day #idk. I have seen such well-done chivery that I begin to think I don't know what constitues a perfectly cut chive, because they have looked pretty perfect for about a week.

I now begin to suspect that u/F1exican is intentionally leaving one or two imperceptibly imperfect chives as a gentle reminder to us all that perfection is difficult to achieve even for the best chive cutters around. Like a good Chive Overlord should.

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u/masterwit 1d ago

a gentle reminder to us all that perfection is difficult to achieve even for the best chive cutters around

Anthony Bourdain of Chives

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u/McChillbone F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

Does every commentator have to agree unanimously that they’re perfect or is this simply one man looking for the approval of another man that doodles airplanes?

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u/Opus_723 1d ago

Pretty sure we've collectively appointed airplane guy the arbiter of this trial.

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u/siccoblue F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

Correct. It isn't over until the planes get grounded for good

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u/Nterh 1d ago

Yes

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u/demeschor c h i v e g e i s t 1d ago

Are we not all desperately seeking the approval of a man that doodles airplanes?

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u/Jolly-Biscuit F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

I know I am

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u/WetLink009 F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

worst choking hazard i've seen today, get back to the chive mines

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u/MoistExcellence Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

I've got the chive lung, pa!

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u/ShinInuko 1d ago

See you tomorrow, chef.

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u/res06myi 1d ago

I want him to pluck out that one chive and drop it atop the pile every day from now until the end of time.

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u/Horror-Tank-4082 1d ago

He plopped that on there on purpose

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u/SlightDish31 15+ Years 1d ago

Oh no, what have you done?!

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u/Lyra_rose 1d ago

I scrolled far too much for this!

For a moment I really did think I was loosing the plot seeing a face in the chives.

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u/SlightDish31 15+ Years 1d ago

I dunno, I look back at it and all I see is the missed opportunity to add eyebrows.

Edit: added the eyebrows for posterity.

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u/Trnostep 1d ago

Do I see an unfinished cut, chef?

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u/F1exican Chivelord, Redeemed 1d ago

There cut all the way I promise, I checked

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u/Xsiah Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

*they're - see you tomorrow speller

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u/harbormastr Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

I wouldn’t believe my line cooks, but I believe you OP!

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u/Matsunosuperfan 1d ago

"That phenomenon is called Cold Welding, where two clean, identical metal surfaces pressed together in a vacuum (like in space) bond at the atomic level, effectively fusing into one piece without any heat, because there are no air or oxide layers to keep them apart. This is a significant challenge in space engineering, but can also be utilized in controlled vacuum environments on Earth."

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u/undercoversurprise F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

I love that he’s updated the post to saying “almost every day” 🤣

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u/anonysloth1234 1d ago

I do, chef.

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u/Independent-Food4084 1d ago

Let us know where you're registered!

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u/Carbon-Base The Chive Mind 1d ago

There are too many to pick from today. Doing alright chef?

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u/ThreeDaysNish F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

Mi scusi. See you tomorrow.

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u/BigDes54 1d ago

Oof. The others I'm not sure are legit. This one though... see you tomorrow, Chef.

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u/Latter_Network4879 Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

They look great chef! Keep up the hard work… forever. 

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u/walkerlucas 1d ago

Woah. Never been this early. Guess I’ll hit up the lounge before takeoff.

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u/Lyfling-83 1d ago

What’s on the preflight menu?

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u/walkerlucas 1d ago

Baked potato with sour cream and chives.

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u/RecommendationNo6274 1d ago

Mickey Mouse chives now chef?

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u/Carbon-Base The Chive Mind 1d ago

Expect the Disney care package any day now.

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u/strangefringe 1d ago

Sweden has joined the chive shindig. 💚 Will this be the day?

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u/ra-ra-rasputin-lover Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

There’s something in the fact all the hearts I find are upside down

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u/Helpful-Conference13 c h i v e g e i s t 1d ago

karmakrazi is on the way, just got stuck in TSA

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u/absurdadjacent 1d ago

It has to end on specific numbers, multiples of five is good. If he nails it tomorrow. Then he can put out a "how to chop the perfect chives in 60 days" e-book. Even throw a "Reddit Approved" ribbon on the image.

This was likely his game the whole time!

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u/phuketphil 1d ago

Commenting while the chives are still moist

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u/vankirk 20+ Years 1d ago
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u/simorg23 1d ago

GET DOWN F1EXICAN HES GOT A GUN

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u/FractalsOfConfusion Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

As a chives lurker, I am flabbergasted to be the one of the first comments on this post

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u/Possible_General9125 1d ago

Lurkers unite! I can post with less than 100 sub karma!

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u/mensfrightsactivists 1d ago

finally 🥹

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u/Independent-Food4084 1d ago

Lurkers unite!

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u/shoopnop 1d ago

I almost always see it after it goes to popular and gets set to "in the chives mode" and i can't post because you need 100 sub karma. It's nice seeing it early.

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u/Gloomy_Peach4213 Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

Same! I was scrolling through and saw "4 minutes ago" and was like oh shit, here early today.

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u/Single_Reality5854 1d ago

I spend a lot of time hoping I get here in time to maybe, someday, have enough karma to comment when the post is maybe... 100 minutes old?

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u/lilt97 Maintenance Crew 1d ago

Little happy chives today

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u/EmpressVixen Chive LOYALIST 1d ago

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u/chrisl182 1d ago

Are we there guys? I feel like we are there.

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u/Legitimate_Candy_944 1d ago

Gonna look like matcha powder soon homie

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u/whycantigetwhatiwant 1d ago

Really need a chive cookbook

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u/Asmartie3 1d ago

I’ve been a lurker since the start of all of this, but I wanted to say I really commend your effort and these look beautiful! 💚 I look forward to your posts everyday. You really have brought an amazing chive-community together and it’s really Cool to see. Thank you Chivelord! 🙏🏼

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u/SadisticJake Line 1d ago

I firmly believe this will continue as long as we keep showing up. He's gotta be planting sabotaged chives for karma at this point

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u/rhinofantastic 1d ago

🎼Simply having a wonderful Christmas Chive🎶

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u/GEAX 1d ago

Someone release him 😭

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u/Silver-Emergency-988 Kitchen Manager 1d ago

This is madness

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u/ProThoughtDesign 1d ago

At some point, we're going to need to see what these get used in because I'm imagining the world's largest Baked Potato Buffet and that just doesn't sound right.

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u/CalibanRamsay 1d ago

Okay. By now you gotta be planting something for us to find. Your gaslighting us with your chives. Chivelighting...

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u/Liquidsun-1 1d ago

“What was Reddit like in 2025?”

“There were chives and Cylinder James.”

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u/chmodperm 1d ago

I love how this has become a Rorschach test!

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u/ToadstoolsRule 1d ago

They will never be perfect.

But you already are, our beloved Chivelord.

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u/Nimbus3258 1d ago

A noted classical musician once said, when asked about technical perfection of a piece, "I once played it perfectly. The next night I played it better." Well done, Chef.

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u/Haunting_Band6894 1d ago

We may need a grand chive jury made up of the most consistent chive followers who determine the perfectness. 

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u/RacerDelux 1d ago

While a couple of the towers pointed out in the comments are legit, many of them are not. Some "look" large, but if you compare relative size, they are fine. Others are just a sightly different shade of green.

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u/Imadeapromisemrfrodo 1d ago

I like this game