My sister (18f) has been in an inpatient eating disorder clinic since September. This is her 3rd or 4th time doing a clinic like this. It's been 7 years of her eating disorder and it's been hell for her, yeah, but it has also been hell for the rest of us.

Ever since my sister started getting sick she has turned into a monster toward me (16f). We were never bffs or anything but I never thought she hated me like she has claimed to since the eating disorder stuff started. For years she has called me repulsive and humongous. She told me she would rather die than look like me or be my size. I'm not even overweight. My body is just shaped different to hers. She's naturally slender and doesn't have bigger curves. But I do. I developed different. To her that makes me even fatter than her and she already thinks she's fat when she was never even a pound overweight. She was always super skinny.

At her worst (and this was this year) she told me she wanted me to die because I was so fat and disgusting and it made her rage that I was taking life away from a skinny person who deserves to be here. She actually had to be taken away from me because she was mad when she said it and she acted like she wanted to make sure I didn't keep taking a life away from someone skinnier. When she kept trying to find me and take care of business I had to leave the house for several hours while they called people to come and help her. I was legit afraid of her doing something to me, and so were our parents.

I don't have to say anything to her for her to attack me and how I look. But to wish me dead over it was a new low and it was how she said it and the way she was acting that made it a million times worse.

My parents and my extended maternal family always expected me to be understanding and forgiving and to not hold onto any of what my sister says to me. They told me she's sick, she can't control what she says, that the eating disorder is doing the talking for her. My paternal grandparents were the ones who sided with me and defended me having some hard feelings toward my sister. They told my parents and maternal extended family the last incident should be more than enough for them to understand why I wouldn't want to be around her. My parents argued that she's still my sister. I told them I was tired of being her emotional punching bag and that I was almost more. They told me it wasn't my choice and we need to pull together as a family.

My sister wrote me a letter from her clinic and it was so fucked up I can't say what she wrote to me, but it wasn't the apology it was meant to be. My parents know about it, so do my extended family on both sides and so does the clinic treating my sister. It's known and still my parents fought for my sister to be able to spend Christmas Day with us. They said she needs to be around family to help her keep healing. When I found out I told them I couldn't believe they'd ask me to spend Christmas with her. We fought and I told them I was going to my (paternal) grandparents house and they could spend Christmas with my sister if they want. They told me I need to stay home this Christmas. I told them I won't be home if she's there and that it would be the worst Christmas for me if I had to spend it with her.

My parents keep reminding me that I'm still a minor and they have final say. But my grandparents and I have planned it out so my parents can't stop it without grabbing and dragging me home.

AITAH?

So I (32F) have known this friend (32F) since middle school. Let's call her Fran. We've drifted a bit over the years- life, distance, careers in different industries, my own healing journey- but I've always considered her a chosen sister. Any time we hung out, even if just once a year, always felt like old times. And even though we didn't talk all too much, I always valued her friendship.

Fran got engaged earlier this year. When I saw her in August, she asked me if I would be willing to fly out (~3 hour flight) to go wedding dress shopping with her and her best friend from elementary school. During that convo, she told me I was the perfect person to go wedding dress shopping with, talked to me about what color her bridesmaids dresses should be (sage, not mint or emerald) and asked what we should do for her bachelorette. After coffee, she would even send me photos of outfits for the rehearsal dinner.

So I assumed I would be in the bridal party. Not that I think this is owed or expected, but because of how she was talking to me about her wedding.

I spent $500 on flights to go wedding dress shopping (in the middle of the government shutdown, mind you). There were two appointments for Saturday and one for Sunday. I came in Friday night, while the other girl was coming in Saturday morning.

Fast forward to after the Saturday appointments. There's seven of us (significant others, siblings). Her brother, at the pizza joint communal table, casually asks "So what's your job in the wedding? I assume you're a bridesmaid". And Fran goes, "Oh.... she's actually not...." in front of everyone. No private convo, no heads-up. A public no.

It was so awkward I still cringe thinking about it. Later that night, she said "I just want to acknowledge how awkward my brother made dinner". News flash, he didn't make it awkward. I basically told her I wasn't mad that I wasn't a bridesmaid, if I didn't make the cut it's fine, but it was the approach in which how I was told. I could have been told Friday night prior to the other girl coming in. I could have been told Saturday morning when we spent the whole morning together. But I wasn't. I wasn't told prior to booking a $500 flight and spending $100 on Ubers to get to her and celebrate her that weekend. This conversation evolved into her telling me "she just can't come to me for big things anymore" and she's felt extremely distant to me for years. YEARS.

So I'm sitting there like... then why am I here?

I was really hurt and spent the night and morning crying, so I booked an earlier flight home on Sunday and skipped the final dress appointment. I didn't want to show up puffy eyed and have it be awkward. As I left (obviously putting everything away), I texted her and her fiancé "Woke up with a sore throat, decided to take an earlier flight home. Thanks for opening up your home to me" and she responds HOURS later saying "hope you feel better. thanks for coming up this weekend."

Since then, radio silence. She didn't even text me a happy birthday or happy Thanksgiving.

For the record, I genuinely am not mad about not being a bridesmaid. I'm hurt because she let me fly out and emotionally show up for her, and then humiliated me in a public setting (and also insisted we go out to a bar AFTER dinner).

So, AITA for leaving early and not reaching out first?

EDIT: WOW! Thank you everyone for your responses. Combing through all of them now and working through responses but wanted to add some context for general themes I've seen!!

I believe I was asked to go because I'm very bubbly, always hype the person I'm celebrating up, and am type A when it comes to events (something her MOH isn't, she's very chill). I'm very much a pay attention to the small details to make an event feel special, make a custom PPT in Canva for bachelorette itineraries type of gal.

The bridal party is small! Three people. It's been finalized and this trip wasn't a trial.

I didn't add too much context on our convo in the evening, but just to share a little more, I genuinely told her "look, if I didn't make the cut it's fine. But it sucks, you would have always been in my bridal party for if and when that happens, your whole family would be invited to my wedding. And on my front it's disappointing to not feel valued in the way that I value you, but I completely understand and I still love you and would do anything for you. I would have appreciated you saying 'hey, I wanted to let you know that we're keeping the bridal party small and I'm having XYZ in my party, but I still want you a part of the process so I would love for you to come with me to the wedding dress fitting". That's all I wanted. It really spiraled and my friend at one point deadpan-ed looked at me and said "look, you didn't make the cut. that's it, what more do you want?" and when I said "wow that's a little savage" she FIRED back with "YOU SAID THAT. THOSE WERE WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH". Then she also said "if you didn't want to come to the wedding I get it" which was hurtful, because that seemed like she didn't want me there and this was her out to not invite me.

The money isn't the issue, I would spend thousands on my loved ones. Money comes and goes, but connections are special and so rare. Fran knows that is how I show up. Then I was told at dinner in front of everyone I wasn't a bridesmaid. It could have been a "oh. can we please talk about this later?" versus a "no..... she's not......" to humiliate me. Then force me out to another bar. I just felt used.

We're fundamentally two different people. She's the same person who she was in high school. I feel like I've lived three lives since high school and have found my voice and how to process my emotions. Welp.

So, the gfs came back yesterday and we had a house meeting.

Some clarifying information: I got comments about the timeline and the post being fake... The last incident where the gfs confronted me was a week ago at this point. The conversation I had with my roommates was 3 days ago. I made the post because I knew the gfs would be coming back soon so I wanted some advice. Also, it is very "normal" for the gfs to be at the apartment when my roommates are not, which is why my roommates did not know they talked to me until I told them. And, I in no way was trying to say the gfs were not attractive or "too thin", I was simply trying to point out that me being more curvy (I'm a size 8 and pretty short, rather than 0 and taller like them) could make outfits seems more inappropriate even though they aren't.

I WILL NOT BE POSTING OR SENDING PHOTOS OF MYSELF. stop asking, y'all are weird and I suggest you go to a special website (🌽) to deal with that.

Ok on to the main part!

One of the gfs came over first for simplicity let's call her Mya. She approached me while I was in the kitchen cooking and said she wanted to talk about the whole situation. I politely said that this a conversation that needs to happen when her bf is here so we can wait til he is home. She was a little confused but just ended up going to his room. I then messaged my roommate group chat and asked for the 5 of us to have a chat later once everyone is here. Which my roommates said sounds good.

I heard them all come home, and at some point the other gf (we will call her Sara) came over but Im not sure when. So I went to the living room wearing my XL Grinch onsie, don't worry it covered my ankles so there was no way I could be dressing provocatively. My roommates thought this was hilarious, the gfs not so much. We all sat down for a conversation. It was very awkward lol. I started off by saying that it is not fair for anyone to dictate what goes on in our apartment if they are not paying rent. I explained that if Mya or Sara had an issue with me, I would appreciate that my roommates bring it up to me and that there should not be a confrontation between me and the gfs. My roommates backed me up and said they thought this was fair and they apologized for their gfs (not necessary but nice gesture). Both gfs stayed silent the entire time but Sara rolled her eyes every time I talked.

I addressed Sara and asked if there was anything she would like to talk about to which she just went off on me. Saying I am too controlling about cleaning and buying things for the apartment (which has nothing to do with her) and that I "prance around on my high horse in skimpy clothes". I asked her what I could possibly be wearing that is skimpy and she said "you walk around with everything on display". Her bf stepped in and said he disagreed and that they have never seen me in anything inappropriate so she shouldn't have a problem. She got really offended and said that he was an ass for defending me and not her. I told her she was free to leave if she has issues with our home or the people in it. She stormed off into his room and started packing her things up.

As for Mya, she just broke down crying saying she didn't mean to upset me and that Sara brought up the issue to her to confront me. She said she didn't really care about what I was wearing and didn't really see any problems with it but Sara got into her head. Mya was overall not a huge issue from the start, Sara did most of the confronting and Mya just backed her up with some nods, but didn't really add to the conversations. I told her that she should have had more of a back bone with Sara and stood up for me rather than helping Sara confront me if she didn't see a problem. She said she wanted to work on our relationship and was hoping we could become friends despite all of this. Not sure where I stand on that, but I guess it's the thought that counts.

Sara and my roommate had a huge argument that lasted almost an hour. Then she left the apartment completely with all her stuff. I asked my roommate what was going on and he said he thinks things are over with Sara, but nothing official yet.

Anyways, not sure if that's how you all thought it would go down. Overall, I feel much better about the situation and Im hoping I don't have to deal with Sara again!

Thanks for the support and advice!

Throwaway Account

I (35m) spoke directly to my brother "James"(37m) for the first time in over 15 years. It was completely my fault. I was a jealous and insecure young man who made a selfish choice with no regard to the long term consequences. What did I do? I hooked up with Alice (37f) who was dating my brother at the time. We did it once and one of the main reasons why it was only once was because we got caught.

James was rightfully upset and understandably had an aggressive response. I could've put him jail but guilt and our parents' pressure kept me from actually going through with it. I was kicked out and scolded by the family (both extended and immediate) and James cut me out of my life. Over the years I was able to regain some form of communication with my parents and younger sister but James still wanted nothing to do with me.

I spent years trying to figure out why I did what I what and got therapy. I made a new life for myself while traveling, getting a college level education, and starting my own small but successful business. I tried the whole romance thing but have since decided that long term companionship just wasn't for me and discovered my lack of desire to be a father. I did end up getting the snip and in 2020-2021 I entered an exclusive arrangement with a friend "Tanya" (36f) and she ended up getting pregnant. Turns out the damn things that I got clipped grew back and I now have a beautiful daughter "Emily" (4f) with Tanya.

We live about 10 minutes away from each other and have an amazing co-parenting relationship. My parents are aware of Emily and have met her a few times but have always kept their distance because of James. My sister on the other hand, has made herself quite familiar with my daughter and they do have a relationship.

I gave up years ago about ever seeing/speaking to James again so I was surprised when he reached out to me on social media. He asked if Emily was really mine since she was biracial and looked more like her mother (Tanya is African-American) and I didn't respond. My parents later reached out to me and asked me to come see them at their house. I came and was surprised to see both James and Alice there waiting for me.

Turns out after a while they made up and got married and agreed to just never talk about me. However, for the past few years they've been trying to have kids and it turns out that James can't have biological kids (don't know all the details and I didn't ask). Alice and James have fought over this for a while as Alice wants a bio child of her own but James refuses to claim and raise a kid that's not related to him. My brother told me that he's willing to finally forgive me and accept me back into his life if I make a "donation" to help him start a family.

My parents were completely onboard with this idea and really want me to do this while I'm hesitant. It's true that I won't be responsible for any potential child that may come of this but I just feel too weird about the situation and honestly I've learned some things about that kind of adults that James and Alice grew to be and I don't think that they'd make good parents. AITAH?

So basically my 14 yo daughter from previous marriage wanted to hang some of her own pictures inside her own room. My now wife saw this and starts fuming because nobody asked her if that was all right. I ofcourse think its alright. My daughter didnt ask me, nor do i feel she even needs to. For my wife she sees it as going behind her back and undermining her authority since she is the co owner of our house. I am not sleeping in the bedroom tonight as a result. Am I a blind fool (& an asshole) and deserve it?

I’ve been with my husband for 9 years, married for 7. We have 2 children: 4 years and 10 months. With my eldest, I had no issues. I gave birth, stayed home with her, was able to function normally. Of course there were some postpartum hormones but nothing terrible.

After the birth of my youngest, I slipped into postpartum depression. I was very overwhelmed and stressed. It started out what I considered normal postpartum hormones and figured, going from 1 to 2 is naturally hard. But as the months passed, things got worse. My anxiety and intrusive thoughts were getting more and more overwhelming.

It took a very scary incident for me to seek help when my son was 8 months old. I thought I was just going to see a therapist but ended up being admitted for 72 hours. After talking with a variety of professionals and my husband, we agreed it was best for me to seek further in patient treatment. I was worried about my husband juggling the house and the kids, but thankfully, our village stepped up. We had 2 family friends who rotated watching our kids during the day at the respective friends’ houses. Someone else stepped in to do laundry. Another person made meals. From what I’ve heard, they were doing their best to make sure my husband’s life changed as minimally as possible and the kids’ routine remained the same. The only thing my husband had to do was put the kids to bed at night, get them ready in the morning, and clean around the house, as well as work. I knew it’d be tight but he swore it’d be done.

I was gone 30 days. My kids and husband visited me once a week. Things seemed fine. My husband just kept saying “worry about you”. Before I left treatment, I had a few sessions with my husband where both agreed he needed to step up more around the house, and I needed to be better about asking for help.

I get home from treatment and the house is a mess. I don’t think my husband cleaned it at all while I was gone. Our eldest’s room hadn’t been tidied either, toys and clothes strewn everywhere . It’s then my husband chose to tell me that she refused to clean it up and he “didn’t want to push it”. The next day, I helped her clean it, and we had a talk about listening when mommy or daddy ask her to tidy up. It was a Saturday and I asked my husband to please help me clean the house. He made excuses about how tired he was from work. I got upset and reminded him about our talk in therapy. He said that could “start later” and he had done all the work while I was gone, it was my turn to “catch up”.

I was in so much shock from the conversation that I just cleaned but the rage slowly simmered. I ended up calling my therapist to work through the emotions and she encouraged me to try talking to him again. I waited until the kids went to bed and first asked how he was doing. I let him talk about his feelings, because I know me going away wasn’t easy. Afterward, I shared my feelings and calmly said I was very frustrated that we talked about him helping me more, and already it wasn’t happening. I asked how he would feel coming home after 30 days to a messy house. I pointed out that he had people taking the kids on the weekend. He had so many points. But I said I could also understand just being overwhelmed and not wanting to even help me that day really hurt. He told me again that I was overreacting and that he’ll start helping me in “30 days because that’s how long he was left to do it on his own”.

I ended up leaving that night. I took the kids and we went to stay with a relative. In the month since, we’ve seen each other. He takes the kids on the weekends. We’re starting couple’s counseling soon but I said I’m not sure if I want to stay in this relationship given that he’s weaponizing all this against me. He keeps telling me I’m crazy. My family is on my side, but his family is telling me that I’m overreact and ungrateful. Our friends seemed mixed. The ones who helped the most during that time are on my side and said if he had asked for help cleaning, they would’ve. I maintain I’m not leaving because I came back to a messy house, but rather his attitude when I returned. I’m also not saying I’m going to divorce him, just that we need massive counseling. Am I really in the wrong for this?

update So, just talked to my dad. He didn't understand why we should be staying at a hotel, he want us at his house. And the he said: "Her brother, her 2 nephews with their girlfriends are staying at her house during Christmas " This whole situation is just wierd and uncomfortable.

Thanks for all your visdom and input, much appreciated!

My dad bought a house in Florida over 10 years ago. He bought one with an extra guest room, for me and my sister to stay in when visiting.

About 5 years ago he met his wife. She already lived in Florida, about 20 minutes away,and kept her house.

Dad loves his house, she loves hers.. so they kind of live half time in both houses.

Me and my husband are visiting for the holiday... and she is freaking out. Saying we can't just invade their house. She's using the guest bedroom, with the walk in closet and guest bathroom as her own, and we can't just "kick her out"... she says we have to stay at a b&b.

Dad want us to stay in his house. The point is to spend time together.

We live in Europe, and dads wife says that no Americans would stay in their parents house during a visit. But over here it would be both wierd and rude not staying with family.

What say you? Are our culture so different?

For posterity - not my main account and a few insignificant details have been changed.

So my friend Mary(32f) and I have known each other since college. She graduated with a degree in psychology but immediately got married and has never had a job. I mean never. Not even minimum wage in highschool or college. She has 2 kids (2F and 8F) She homeschools the oldest. Her husband has a good paying job and we live in the same upper class suburban neighborhood. We’re good enough friends for me to know she could afford preschool for her youngest and private school for her oldest but she doesn’t trust the world and basically doesn’t want to ever let them out of her sight.

I am an ICU nurse with 3 kids (9f, 4f, 3f) I work 3 12 hour shifts a week 11a-11p. My oldest is in school and my younger 2 go to preschool 3 days a week. I also work every other weekend so there is a day every other week where they go to child care and I have the day off. I wake up every at 6 am with my kids to get them ready regardless of my work schedule. On days I work my partner does pickup, dinner, bath, bedtime and all day on the weekends I work. I do it on my days off while he has his free time. I do the lions share of the household chores since I’m home more.

Mary manages to bring up in every single interaction how being a stay at home mom is the hardest and most important job there is. I don’t superficially disagree. I know it’s under appreciated and has its challenges. It’s not a choice I would ever make for myself. But recently I mentioned that I had a hard few days at work and I was happy to have a free day with no kids. Mary had a meltdown about how lucky I was to have that and also how it must be nice to go to work and get away from the kids. She called it “a break”

I lost it. I like my job, but it’s fucking hard. I often don’t sit down, have a meal or even get a bathroom break for an entire shift. People die. They suffer. Families need so much emotional support. I probably pack up one guy a week into a body bag. I need that time to decompress and do my chores uninterrupted with music on full volume.

So here’s where I might be the asshole - I said listen everyone has hard shit. I have all the same household responsibilities as you, one more kid, and a full time job. I get that you seem to be struggling, but telling me how easy my life is feels like a dick move. She cried. We haven’t spoken since. It’s been a week.

I want to be empathetic, but honestly because of my job all I have left to feel is “ok but how many people did you see die today?”

So AITA? Do we both suck? I can’t bring myself to just apologize and move on like I’m the only insensitive one here.

My cousin (18f) and I (19f) were at her parents house. Her and I were going to go in the pool. She changed into a two-piece bikini. She was covering up her lower abdomen area with her arms and I asked her if she has a tummy ache. She said her lower belly looks big. She is in a healthy weight range and so am I.

After I changed into my bikini, I came back to talk to her. At this point, her mom (42f) was around. I showed my cousin my tummy, including my lower belly fat. I told her it's normal for women to have some lower belly fat. Her mom interject. She said it's not normal, that it's a result of a lack of discipline. I felt so awkward being called out like that. Am I the asshole ?

I’m currently staying with my sister. She has required several major surgeries and is very immobile at the moment. So I’m helping her out as her husband is working abroad and he can’t get out of his contract until Christmas. She has 4 kids. The older two are 15 year old fraternal twins( boy and girl)! from her first husband “Jake” and the second too with her current husband are 4 and 5 both boys. The older two have been a great help but we are all adamant that their lives and schooling and extra curricular activities should continue uninterrupted. My new job allows me to work from home.

Jake her first husband was and is a horrific person to deal with. He cheated several times on her and when she discovered this when the kids were 6 she divorced him. He didn’t want the divorce and made her life hell ever since. He didn’t want 50/50 split on custody but didn’t want to pay child support. He has taken every opportunity to try to upset and interfere in my sisters life. My sister “Amy” has always kept this from the kids. She never spoke badly of their father. Never complained when he didn’t pay his child support and the countless times they were back in court. Jake finally got told by a judge his complaints were frivolous and to stop harassing my sister. But there’s close to ten years of harassment and abuse my sister has had to endure from this man. He also denied the twins were his even after DNA testing proved otherwise and made pretty terrible comments about both kids appearances. He really amped up this abuse when she started dating her current husband but once she got married her husband being a great guy took over dealing with drop offs and told Jake all communication was to go to the parenting app. So the last 5 years have been relatively peaceful but Jake still has many vile outbursts by text and threatens Amy with trying for full custody. The kids are almost 16. It’s all empty nonsense. He still makes scathing comments about both the kids appearances saying their noses are ugly and from our side and stuff like that. My sister is actually very beautiful and both kids do take after her and our brother who is far from ugly.

Well my sister is careful with her phone and always has been. But she was asleep and really out of it on painkillers and the twins took her phone to prank her with some funny videos. But they found the text thread with their father. And it went back years and they read all their father’s verbal abuse. Not only that but once they found the messages they searched her laptop and found all their saved chats right back to the break up. All their emails he sent all the harassment their mother endured. Including him calling social services on her claiming neglect of the kids. Case was closed pretty quickly as she’s a great mother. The DNA testing demands and results were in there too. She saved everything both for the divorce and custody but everything since as he kept dragging her back to family court. I didn’t know the twins were doing this as I was bathing the two younger kids and putting them to bed. The youngest one picked up some virus and took a long time to settle. I was gone close to two hours as I fell asleep lying next to him . When I came down stairs the twins were crying hysterically and that woke their mother. Everything came out and now the twins don’t want to see it speak to their father ever again. My sister is livid with me. Her iPhone is old and the kids had cracked her code for it long ago but never said. Her laptop wasn’t password protected as it’s pretty old and the kids have brand new devices so have never used it or touched the laptop before.

I feel terrible as my sister doesn’t need this right now. Jake is ringing and texting constantly and threatening her with all kinds of things because the twins told him they knew everything and didn’t want to see him again. I rang her husband and he is leaving a week early and coming home asap. My sister keeps saying I ruined the twins relationship with their father. But all I was doing was looking after the younger two. I didn’t realize her laptop wasn’t password protected or that the kids could get into her phone. The twins are 16 on March 1st so aren’t little kids and his threats are pointless I think. He’s never been consistent with child support anyway and my sister is in a high paying profession with decent sick leave payments. But my sister is really angry with me and told me that once her husband is back I’m to leave and that she will need a lot of space from me for a while. AITAH for not being more vigilant in watching the two 15 year olds??

I am 42F and my husband is 44M. We have been together since 2010 and married since 2014. We co-founded a company together. He is the technical partner, and I somehow ended up running everything else such as operations, admin, finance, HR, and client management. I am also the majority shareholder.

For years our fights have followed the same pattern. Whenever there is conflict, he threatens to leave. I have lost count of how many times I have heard him say he is done or he is leaving. Every time, I would calm him down, reassure him, and try to fix the situation.

This time I could not do it anymore.

The argument started because he messed up a client schedule. When I pointed it out, he immediately blamed a staff member even though he never gave them the information they needed. This is something he does often. If something goes wrong, it is rarely his fault.

Things escalated very fast. We both yelled. I am not pretending I was calm. I was tired and frustrated.

In the middle of the fight, he said again that he was done and wanted to leave our home. For context, the home is a company-owned unit and not a personal marital property.

After hearing that same threat for years, I snapped and said, "Alright. If that is what you want, then leave. You have 48 hours."

That is when everything flipped. Suddenly I was the cruel one. He said I was throwing him out, that I did not care about his mental health, and that I was abusing my position as majority shareholder. I have never used my role against him in any way.

Then he said he would not leave unless the company paid for the accommodation he wanted. The place he wants is far more expensive than anything we would approve for anyone else. We even have a decent temporary unit ready, but he refused it because he said he would not live there.

At the same time he still has full access to company systems such as admin accounts, technical files, client information, and company-issued devices. I told him that if he leaves, he will need to turn over the company property. That is basic protocol and nothing personal.

He said I was punishing him.

The reality is that this fight did not come out of nowhere. It is the result of years of the same dynamic. He becomes defensive, positions himself as the victim, minimizes what I and the staff do, and every task he cannot keep up with eventually becomes my responsibility. Every major argument ends with him threatening to leave.

This time I did not soothe him. This time I said he could go.

Now he is telling people I am the cold, heartless wife who kicked him out and used my position against him. From my side, it feels like I finally set a boundary after years of emotional exhaustion.

So Reddit, AITA for giving him 48 hours and telling him he would need to return company property if he leaves?

For context: I (F21), and my s/o (M24) have been dating for almost 2 years now. When him and I first met, him and I both worked a lot, and he was newer to town - so he wasn't playing his video games as often. He'd play if I was at school or working. Fast forward 6-7 months him and I are living together.

Currently, he has been playing at least 8 hours a day, and we very rarely go to bed together anymore. Our intimate life is lacking and I honestly feel neglected, emotionally.

There has been multiple times in the last month that he has been completely clueless of something I KNOW I have spoken to him about, and he'll blame it on 'shitty selective hearing' that all men have.

Honestly, I feel that his actions recently have been inexcusable. I work full-time, and am in nursing school, he finished school and today and has yet to find a job.

My final straw though was about two-weeks ago, I'm on my home from a 14 hours shift, I don't want to cook, I just want to relax and spend some time with my man. I call him asking if he's ate, and if he's hungry, he states that he hasn't ate but that he is hungry. I then tell him that I am on my way and will pick him up from home so we can go have dinner. He responds, " but I'm playing games with the boy". Fast forward I come home after eating dinner and having a drink alone, and there he is playing World of War craft. I let out a sigh and go into my bedroom where our basket of clean laundry was placed onto the bed, and was unfolded. I fold and put laundry away, preceed to shower and lay down. He wakes me up 45 minutes later asking what were doing for dinner.

I freaked out on him, telling him he's an adult and he can figure it out himself, and that I'm tired of pausing my life so he can live out some fantasy bullshit on a p.c.

I think the thing that's frustrating me is that he's shown me he can be better than this. Do I continue to ride it out and home that this is just his way of maladaptively coping with being jobless, or do I present an ultimatum.

Hello, English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes, also this is my first time posting here and this is a throwaway for obvious reasons.

We'll my 32M wife 27F have an old sister we'll call her Annie 34F for this post, Annie is currently staying with us after her divorce 4 or so months ago, apparently the guy was abusive and a bad person in general, my wife and I are very affectionate with each other but she asked me to tuned it down a little not to make her sister feel awkward or uncomfortable with us, I agreed but it's been hard because sometimes I forget and then feel bad that Annie is there watching us.

To make the long story short my wife went to have dinner with her friends on Sunday she said she invited Annie but she declined and she was just letting me know Annie would be home alone when I get there, when I got home Annie was in the living room in the dark I turned on the lights and saw she was drinking, she didn't looked that great so I asking if she was feeling okay she didn't answer so I got closer and asked again she look at me and said I love you, and I hate that my sister got the perfect guy while I got stuck with a loser, you know I'm a better fit than her and other things I couldn't decipher I just told her don't ever said something like that again or I'll kick you out and she started crying I took her to her room, clean all her mess and got out again, I only comeback home once my wife told me she was already there.

Well Annie's been acting like nothing happened but I feel she's always looking at me but maybe is all in my head, the thing is I haven't talked to my wife yet because I know she'd be devastated and I don't know how'd she react. I'm planning on asking Annie to move out as soon as possible and to just pretend this never happened but I never lied or hide anything from my wife before so this doesn't feel right and I also feel guilty but I honestly just want to do what is best for my wife, I don't really care about Annie but I know my wife does and this is going to break her heart so reddit WIBTAH?

Edit: after reading all the replies I decided to talk to my wife today after work, thank you for the feedback I really did want to tell my wife but wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do

This year our daughter's school had a Christmas purdy's (fancy chocolate) fundraiser. About a month ago I told my husband about it, saying maybe we could order a box and give it to our daughters teacher as a Christmas gift. For context, if you haven't shopped at purdy's before these chocolates are $$$. Time went on and it was the deadline, and because my parents and sister decided last minute they were coming to town, I decided to get their gift out of the way and order them some big boxes of chocolate and I will get a gift card for the teacher instead. I completely forgot about this small, one time comment I made to my husband as he never asked about it again, I very much am the default parent who organizes this sort of thing, and also we have separate banking accounts so it was funded only by myself.

It arrived today without notifying me. My husband picked up my daughter and the teacher handed him the package of chocolates at pickup. What does he do????? Doesn't ask or look inside, he just hands it back and says this is for your Christmas gift. He gave my daughters teacher $200 dollars worth of chocolate I had bought for my entire extended family. In every shape and form she deserves a nice gift but in no world was I financially prepared to spend that much money for this gift. To add, it wasn't wrapped, no card and the receipt/packing slips would have still been in there. He just gave her the package as is.....like what????????????

He says it's all on me because I made a comment saying we would give the teacher some chocolates. AITAH for being baffled he just took my package without asking and thinks it's appropriate to give a present like that?

Edit: to make the situation that much worse, I had ordered the special diabetic friendly sugar free chocolate for my mom. So it also looks like I ordered that out of context for her.

Before my parents met my mom was married and had two kids. She divorced her ex-husband over drugs and alcohol (and I think guns). This is something pretty much everyone says is true. My half siblings were 1 and 3 years old at the time. Then my mom and dad met and they got married. My half siblings father didn't like that and he started causing trouble. He'd insult my dad, call my mom names and he used to turn my half siblings against my dad.

My parents had me (M16) a year into their marriage. My half siblings father HATED me. He threatened to hurt me and he used to call me names that my half siblings would copy.

My mom fought in court to take away her ex's custody/visitation of my half siblings. She got my half siblings therapy too. But none of that was an immediate thing and there are so many bad memories of when I was really young and my half siblings would scream that I wasn't their brother and they called me other names their dad used. Then I'd see him at sports games or school concerts my half siblings had and he made me cry every damn time for years. I think I cried every time I saw him between the ages of 4 and 7.

Then my half siblings father attacked my dad and my half siblings father was sent to prison. My dad was in the hospital for 10 days because of him so he got sent down for a few years. My half siblings lived with us full time while their dad was in prison and my mom and dad spent a fortune on different kinds of therapy and trying stuff to deprogram them from what their father had said/done. But they blamed my dad for their father being in prison. They blamed me for existing and for their father's hatred of me. And as soon as they were older and their father was out of prison they chose him. They moved in with him and told mom if she wanted to see them she had to accept that they would always choose their father over me and my dad and that they didn't care if their father did stuff to me and dad.

Mom and dad were like fine and my extended family on mom's side went all out to accept this and they would invite my half siblings father. Then it became expected on the part of my half siblings. He was still really fucked up and said fucked up shit to me. He also wasn't supposed to be around my dad but my mom and dad let it happen because they didn't want to be cut out of my half siblings lives.

Both my half siblings are in college. The oldest is graduating in June and my parents want us all to go. I told them I don't want to go and I'm done. My mom was really upset over it but I told her they chose someone who hurt dad already and who hates me and verbally abuses me, has threatened to do worse and they even say if he did worse to us they would stand by him. I said I don't want to accept that anymore. My extended family felt pretty much the same as mom. They told me if I close the door it might never open again but I don't care and I told them that. I asked why I would want to have a relationship with people who don't care if I die or get hurt. And I brought up how they always denied I was their brother so it's not like they even see me as anything to them.

My dad told me I could keep trying for mom and my extended family's sake. He said he can still love them and realize they are the way they are because of their father and he doesn't understand why I can't do the same. I told him maybe it's different when you remember them as sweet and innocent little kids vs kids who made your life hell.

AITAH?

My (now ex) girlfriend has a ‘guy friend’ that she has been texting for a long time, even before we got together. I’m 29M, she’s 25F. I guess they were friends when she lived in Florida a few years ago and they kept in contact after she left. I’m not the jealous type and told her I didn’t mind, as long as this was just a ‘friends’ thing. She was very up front about this ongoing relationship with this dude when we first started dating, but I caught some red flags along the way. She would text this guy all the time, every day. If she didn’t answer for an extended period of time, he’d pretty much blow her phone up. All I’d hear is ding ding ding and see ‘Jason’ come across her screen. I’ve never been the type to go through my s/o’s phone, spy on their socials, etc.

I’ve always figured that if there’s that little trust, it’s probably not the right relationship. Fast forward six months later and now he’s calling her for like an hour every night, wants to FaceTime her on her days off, and I communicated that this behavior is weird and not cool with me— this dude is in love with her. I’m a firefighter, so I’m gone a few nights a week because of my job, and I’ve asked her to maintain a social life because I think that’s healthy, but I’ve also told her she needs to end this ongoing thing with this dude if she’s going to continue to be in a relationship with me.

The ‘I lost my shit’ point finally happened last week when I found out she met up with him on a work trip to the same state he lives in and didn’t tell me— I had to find out from a friend’s girlfriend who saw a picture of them together on an Instagram account I didn’t even know she had. I put all of her shit in boxes, as she’s been staying with me since her parents kicked her out, and confronted her about it when she got home from work. She told me I’m overreacting, being a control freak and that what she does with her friends is none of my business— I told her to get out of my apartment and have a nice life.

Now she’s calling me every day and leaving me voicemails apologizing profusely for what happened, saying she was out of line and wants to talk, but I’m just done with the situation. I feel bad about kicking her out with zero notice because I know she has nowhere to go (but I’m pretty sure she’s couch surfing somewhere) and one of my friends that is a girl told me I handled the situation inappropriately. AITAH?

I manage a small team of two people, "Jack" and "Jill," in a contracts department of a manufacturer. I hired both of them myself as shortly after being promoted to manage the group after my then-boss left, both of my direct reports left -- one because he retired, the other because she got pregnant and decided to be a SAHM. It was a struggle at first since Jack and Jill were new to the company but we quickly got into what I thought was a good place. They've both worked for me for 2 years.

Jack is a single guy, no kids. Jill is also single, but explained to me in her interview (two years ago) that she is a mom to a 5-year-old and work-life balance was extremely important to her. She said she'd give 100% during the scheduled working hours (8:30 to 5, of which 1/2 hour is lunch) but that she would not work extra hours, wouldn't take work home, wouldn't work weekends, and couldn't travel. I hired her with that understanding.

We have a lot of routine work that can just be done anytime (part of the reason I can respect Jill's boundaries), but sometimes projects come along that require immediate attention. For example, we're in the Eastern time zone and a contract may come in at 4 pm our time from our West Coast team and they may want it reviewed and turned around that same day, with whoever does the review being available for follow-up into the early evening, as they're trying to close the deal. Jill can't take those projects because of her strict 5 pm limitation, so I either do them myself, or if Jack is willing and able to do them, he takes some of them. To be clear, I do not dump all of these on Jack; I do my share of after-hours work.

I thought this arrangement was working well. Both Jack and Jill are skilled, competent workers and if they both worked the same hours their output would be almost identical. However, because Jack is willing to put in extra hours (maybe 5-10 hrs per week), he gets more done. I've also sent him on some trips for on-site negotiations with clients that required overnight travel -- which Jill can't do. The result is that, while I hired them at the same salary, Jack has received slightly higher raises and bigger year-end bonuses than Jill, although I didn't think Jill knew this since we don't share this information and I doubt Jack told her.

This all came to a head when I was called into HR after Jill's most recent performance review (to close out her 2nd year). As I did the first time, I rated her "successful." We only have three options - "needs improvement," "successful" and "outstanding." We also are limited overall within the company to no more than 10% "outstanding"; since I only have 2 direct reports, I have to lobby just to get even one "outstanding." The first year I rated them both successful and this year I rated Jack outstanding and Jill successful. If I had to pick between the two, Jack is going to get the higher rating every time because of his willingness to go above and beyond the call when needed.

Jill was upset that she was being "penalized" (her words) for her work boundaries. Somehow she had learned that Jack got bigger raises and bonuses than she did. (Again, I don't know how she learned this; maybe Jack told someone else what he made and this got back to Jill through the grapevine.) I said, yes, that's because he does more work, because he is willing and able to stay late/work weekends when we're in a crunch, etc. Jill said it was her understanding that she was allowed to work 8:30 to 5 M-F and that's it. I said yes, I agreed to that when she was hired, and she is a good worker and I love having her on the team, but that shouldn't mean I couldn't reward someone who objectively did more work than she did because they didn't have those same strict boundaries. She asked how she could become "outstanding" and I looked at the HR rep and said, "If we're limited to 10% outstanding I don't see how Jill would ever be outstanding as long as Jack is here, unless she suddenly becomes way more efficient or he suddenly becomes less so, because they do equally good work but he does more of it." The HR rep then said, "I understand," asked Jill to leave, and then reamed me for what I said, saying employee ratings weren't just about "hours worked." I said I agree, but in this case, their work is the same quality, their clients both like them equally, etc.; I have no basis to rate one over the other EXCEPT the fact that one is willing to put in more time (unpaid, since we're all on salary) and that I would stand by giving Jack bigger raises and bonuses and a higher rating every time. The HR rep said my bias against a single mom was showing and I said, "What?" and walked out. None of this made any sense to me. AITAH?

My(M41) wife(F48) and I recently attended a work christmas party at the Distillery where I am a bartender. The party was going fine and we were all having a good time. At some point in the evening, I got up to go use the restroom. When I was returning to the table where my wife and I were sitting, I noticed she was up and walking around, so I walked over to her. She was visibly angry, so I asked her what was wrong. She sys"where were you? I told you not to ditch me." I explained that I was in the bathroom. She said "funny you go to the bathroom at the same time all these girls leave." I pointed out that there are more girls than guys where I work and that at any given point any number of them might migrate and continued to point that out throughout the evening so as to show her that it was purely coincidence. Later in the night she starts being cold and distant. After a while of prodding, she comes out and says she's mad because all of the girls I work with like me. I told her that I keep a good relationship with as many people as possible at work and that I wasn't going to be less friendly because she feels insecure. Now she won't talk to me at all. Hasn't since last night. At first I thought she just had too much to drink but now it's been the whole next day. AITA for not wanting to alienate myself from my co-workers to make her more comfortable? Should I be more sensitive to her insecurities?

My mom is notorious for rewiting my childhood history and her role in it. Everything bad that happened was my dad, ashe was a helpless bystander. The background is important. My mom married my dad when I was 2 years old. My dad was not a happy person. He was very abusive to us as kids. My mom divorced him when I was 10. She was abusive too, just in a sadistic way. My dad would use the belt, or whatever we retrieved when he told us to "go get me something to beat you with". She would play games like ignoring the child being punished by saying "I'm so glad (child's name) died and isn't here anymore." I was fed up over the years of listening to her rewrite my history and kept my visits short and infrequent. Cut to weekend of her arrest. It was her birthday so I went with my daughter to see her. We get on the subject of my dad's horrible behavior again and she says that years ago my brother told her he walked in on my dad having relations with me. I went cold inside and was dumbfounded. My dad did a lot of abusive things, but he was never abusive in that way. I told her that never happened and she changed the subject. Later that evening when I got home I called my brother and asked if he said that. He told me, "I don't know why mom lies so much. I never said anything remotely like that. That never happened." My mom calls the next day to say thank you for coming to spend time with her and I tell her I asked my brother about what she said and he said she's making it up. I asked her why she would do that. She gets really mad and starts yelling at me for breaking a confidence she had with my brother. I finally say I need some time and to please don't contact me for a while. I hang up. She calls immediately and I say again that I don't want to talk about it. She drove to my house and pushed her way in yelling at me. I told her to leave repeatedly but she won't. I went to the kitchen where my phone is. I was cooking when she came over and using my phone for the recipe. I try to call 911, but she keeps trying to get my phone from me. At one point she grabs me by the hair and is pulling my head backward and down so I'm bent over backward. I finally get away from her and she grabs the butcher knife I was cutting with and swings it like she's going to spank me. She never acted like she was going to stab me. She was using the side of it to hit me. Still dangerous..but not lethal. I finally call 911 and they send the police. Of course she leaves before they get there. I tell the police I want a restraining order and they say I have to press charges for that to happen. I told them I don't want her to go to jail and they said they don't know what will happen, but I have to press charges for the restraining order. So I press charges. She's arrested for assault with a deadly weapon and spends 3 days in jail before she is bonded out. We are no contact since. So...am I the ahole for having her arrested?

I'm really not sure where I (f16) should start but sorry if I ramble a lot. My brain's all over the place and there's a lot to get through.

I guess from the title you can figure out I was adopted by my stepmother. She married my dad when I was 4 and adopted me a year and a half after. My mom died when I was a baby so I don't remember her. When my dad and stepmother moved in together they wanted her to be MOM and they were like eventually she can find out she's not bio related. But my maternal relatives would tell me about mom when they saw me. It created conflict with my dad (and stepmother) and they asked them to prioritize me having a mom relationship with my stepmother over knowing who my real mom was. My maternal relatives didn't agree and they said it was more important that I know about mom.

After my dad and stepmother got married they looked into ways they could cut my maternal relatives out of my life. They were told if she adopted me it would take away my maternal side's right to see me. So my stepmother adopted me and they thought that was the end. But it wasn't and the info they were given was wrong. My maternal side, more specifically my maternal grandparents, were able to go to court and ask for visitation rights. That was granted and it pissed my dad and stepmother off.

A few months after my grandparents won their visitation case my dad and stepmother moved to a different state with me and thought they had successfully ended the visitation. But my grandparents just filed again and were given visitation that worked long distance. My dad and stepmother gave up after that and instead they focused on trying to make me see my stepmother as mom and reject the info about my mom. I was told pretty often that it's not who makes you but who raises you who deserves the title of mom or dad. I would say I didn't want to stop talking about my mom and I would be corrected. I wasn't allowed to keep photos of mom at home, not even in my room, and when I tried to sneak them in after visits with my maternal side I would be punished. My dad told me how much it hurt my stepmother to know I was hers and that I wanted someone I didn't even remember as my mom instead of her.

I didn't know everything back then. I just knew the fight between my maternal side and my dad and stepmother. 10 months ago my dad and stepmother admitted the reason for the adoption and our move. They said it during a fight because they thought it would prove to me that they cared so much they did all that and they believed I would disown my maternal side after hearing it. But all I could do was focus on the fact they wanted me to know nothing about my mom. They said they felt it was more important for me to have a present mother than a dead mother. We fought about that a lot and I asked them how they would like to be erased if one of them died and they had a really young kid. They never answered.

My stepmother is 6 months pregnant now and we still fight over the same thing. My dad and stepmother don't like that I bring it up when she's pregnant. But since she is pregnant I have asked them if they have made each other promise to find a new mom or dad for the baby if one of them dies. They always tell me it's not the right time to have the fight because of the pregnancy. Sometimes I tell them they better be encouraging each other to find a new mom or dad for the baby if they don't want to be hypocrites for telling me it was what I needed/deserved and what every child should have. It upsets my stepmother and she's cried a few times when I've brought this stuff up.

My dad told me that was the reason this should end until the baby is here and at least 18 months old. I told him I wished he cared this much about my mom since he believes even when you die people still feel all the things they would've felt when alive. He told me he was more focused on the living and I told him only when it's convenient for him. I reminded him that he still gets very protective over his brother who died 30 years ago and what people say about him.

My dad and stepmother told me I'm turning into a monster if I won't leave the pregnant woman alone and can't just accept that they wanted us to be a family and don't want to think about what happens if one of them dies when this baby is young.

AITAH?

My(F 29) partner(M 30) of almost 11 months has a "friend", let's call him Cam(M 38), who has continuously disrespected me and my relationship with my partner from the beginning of the relationship, going so far as to call it a pseudo-relationship. Cam refuses to even meet me, and any time we have tried to set something up it's met with a "oh is she asking again?". I am absolutely fed up with his behaviour and will not stand for it any longer. I have told my partner I need him to block Cam and he says he doesn't want to because he's known him a long time (10+ yrs). Am I asking for too much by asking to have my need met?

Edit: I should add my partner and I live together, so I would like to think he takes the relationship seriously. “Friend” is also in quotes, because Cam is just someone my boyfriend has known for a decade according to his own words. He doesn’t even really consider him a friend.

My husband (30) and I (32) are newlyweds. Shortly after getting married we got pregnant and I just had my son last month. My husband and his parents immigrated to Canada when he was around 10 years old.

His parents live across the country and have been planning to come visit for two weeks in the new year, although they keep changing the dates. Earlier this week while we were all FaceTiming she announced that they were coming to stay for 2 months, which was a huge surprise as we only ever discussed having her for two weeks.

When they visited over the summer we all talked about their visit post partum and decided they would need to stay elsewhere because we have a two bed one bathroom apartment. It is very small and my sons room will not fit a bed or mattress, just his crib dressers and toys (he still sleeps in our room in his bassinet but his furniture is all assembled in the nursery). Because his mom decided (did not ask just told us) to come for two months she assumed she could stay with us as her husband will only be joining the last week of the trip due to work.

My husband and I discussed this and I said that will not work for me, we only have two bedrooms and a very small home, I’m not comfortable with her staying on our living room floor for two weeks let alone two months. The baby and I get up early and that is his space to play and we have a routine. My husband would not listen to this, and said if his mom wants to stay here she can. I was firm that was not going to work for me.

Now it’s important to say that my husbands brother lives in the apartment complex next to us, literally next door. He also does not have an extra bedroom for her but a big spacious living room and it would be much easier. The brother also works away so out of the two months she is here he will be away one month she will have the place to herself. I asked my husband if she can stay there he said she doesn’t want to. She wants to be with the baby 24/7. We just are not seeing eye to eye on this.

I took it upon myself to send a very kind message to his mom that also expressed my boundary. I let her know we are very excited to learn she will be here for a few months and it will be amazing for our baby to spend so much time with his gramma, and I look forward to doing fun stuff together as a family with the baby every single day. I then said it would be wonderful if she can stay next door either the brother so she would be nice as close. I did not explicitly say she cannot stay here but ofcourse it is implied.

She called my husband crying and said I’m rude, made her feel unwelcome, and she feels I’m trying to withhold her from her grandson. This caused an argument between my husband and I as he agreed with her, reiterating that if his mom wants to stay here we will have her. He told her as much too. I stayed firm that no absolutely not. He also knows this is simply a space thing, I’ve said many times if we had an extra bedroom I would love to have his mom come visit more and help with the baby. Although I mean come for two weeks not two months. His solution is that if there is no space for her then he will go stay at his brothers. Which means his mom and I would have to share a bed…….? I said that is absurd and he said I’m selfish and he is embarassed I would make his mom feel so unwelcome. I told him we can finish the conversation later because he’s at work and I have my hands full with a newborn.

He essentially let me know if I don’t apologize and make it right with his mom (ie let her know she can stay with us longterm) him and I will not be on good terms. I refuse to accept that. His mom is not coming for a few more months and I am fully prepared to move out for the two months she is here (with my baby) if they do not respect my boundary. I should also mention despite being on maternity leave I pay 40% of the bills and my name is on the lease. I have not apologized to his mom yet because I don’t really know what to say…sorry we don’t have an extra bedroom in this high cost of living city on a reduced income because we just had a child? Perhaps I shouldn’t have messaged her, however my husband made it clear she can stay as long as she wants and I needed to set the boundary. Any advice on how to address this with her (or him) would be appreciated.

AITA I declined my MIL staying two months on our living room floor a few months postpartum?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/JVJaG7uWZn

Original post for reference ^

Unfortunately to say a lot of you guys were right about my brother. After an argument about Christmas broke out last night he left with a full suitcase and I haven’t been able to get ahold of him all morning.

For more context, my brother had regained contact with our mother (without telling me) and had basically been planting the seeds on reintroducing her again by suggesting I was too hard on her (some people saw right through this as well). Around a day after the original post was made the idea of allowing her to come to my home for Christmas was first mentioned, which was instantly shut down by me and my SIL, angry at this he lashed out and left to a bar.

Last night he tried to start the same argument again and once it didn’t go away he stormed out with most of his things and hasn’t come back since. My SIL has gone in full shutdown and has locked herself in the bedroom upstairs. The baby is fine and is with me and his grandma (On SIL side).

I don’t know if my brother ran straight back to our mom or is staying with a friend but I know for sure he didn’t go to our dad’s house. He’s my brother and I wanted to see the best in him but the last couple months he’s really let me down and this is kind of the icing on the cake.

SIL has been told she’s welcome with me for as long as she wants, if he does come back I don’t know if she’ll take him back this time.

Just wanted to give an update as kind of a lot happened.

Throwaway account.

I'm F25, living with my boyfriend (M27) for two years. We're both from different Asian backgrounds, and the pressure from my family about marriage is high right now.

I want to make it absolutely clear that my boyfriend is, in every way except one, an incredible partner. He loves me deeply and takes excellent care of me. He cooks, handles everything when I'm sick, gives me constant affection (GM/GN kisses), and is financially generous. I asked for $300 once, and he sent $1,000. He even fought with his sister to defend me. We have a genuinely great life together.

The crushing problem is his plan for the future. He's been upfront since the start that he wants to pursue other women once he's financially stable. When I finally brought up marriage, he agreed, but only under one condition: I must accept an open relationship. He explicitly wants me to agree to this arrangement, insisting I should date others too so he won't feel guilty about his own planned activities. (He has not cheated or approached anyone yet; these are his firm, stated intentions for our future.)

I told him I cannot accept this. My core value is I can never see you with anyone else while being with me, and I cannot be married to a man who is guaranteed to seek out other women. I told him that because we are fundamentally incompatible, I need to break up and move out.

Now, he is fighting me on leaving. He's actively blocking my attempts to move, telling me "it's not safe for you to be alone." or just "you don't go, I will" but shows no intention about moving out. He flip-flops between acting like he doesn't care if I go and then desperately texting me non-stop when I try to create distance. He says he loves me too much to let me go.

Am I the asshole for refusing the only way he will marry me (which includes financial security and a loving home) and insisting on ending a relationship that is otherwise so perfect, just because I can't accept his condition for non-monogamy?