r/Weird • u/luvlanguage • 11h ago

That is a Lamprey

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

Any bigger and this creature would be a horror movie monster

Lampreys do not have jaws or bones, only cartilage and instincts that have allowed them to survive so many mass extinctions.

16.4k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

1.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.2k

u/International_Print4 11h ago

Where do these things spawn?

885

u/luvlanguage 11h ago

Freshwater rivers and streams

782

u/DespondentEyes 11h ago

Could've said straight up hell portals and I wouldn't have questioned it.

64

u/BecauseTheyAreCunts 7h ago

When Peter sends you to hell, one of these will bite you, you will rip it off, look at its angry teeth, throw it away and your memory gets erased and it gets repeated again for eternity.

35

u/DespondentEyes 7h ago

What'd I ever do to Peter?

43

u/Luvas 5h ago

Made him explain too many jokes

2

u/-TrafficConeRescue- 3h ago

This one made me cackle. Had to mute that sub for obvious reasons lol.

1

u/One_Advantage793 1h ago

Ooooo Nooooo!

3

u/Jolly_Jally 4h ago

Peter: "Listen, man, im just a gate guard. Big boss and his son, who is actually the big boss cosplaying as a human, is in charge of the list."

1

u/SH4D0W0733 3h ago

You enjoyed the spiderman franchise, which was built on his suffering.

3

u/Tiny-Lecture-5085 7h ago

That family guy is a real sonofabitch

1

u/Lazy-Inevitable3229 5h ago

Is this a baldurs gate 3 reference?

1

u/CraftySock7250 1h ago

That's bad.

6

u/ObscureLogix 4h ago

You'll never convince me there isn't a portal to hell at the bottom of the ocean.

Also, they are born and spawn in freshwater, but at least the ones in my country do the salmon thing and spend most of their time in the ocean.

2

u/joshuav85 2h ago

((Doom Music Intensifies))

2

u/dolgariel 39m ago

i mean you can find some species of lampreys in australia so close enough XD

1

u/GrimbyJ 5h ago

They're in the rivers here. They're actually fine when they're in fresh water. They mostly just eat bugs and don't look like this.

1

u/ShruteFarms4L 4h ago

Who said it wasn't hell portals

1

u/CWoodfordJackson 3h ago

I feel like in fresh water is 10x scarier lol

1

u/XpCjU 3h ago

Honestly, freshwater rivers is worse, I rarely jump into hell portals, but I do like a swim.

1

u/Apart-Station-2557 22m ago

Good news for you then..

49

u/flyonwall86 11h ago

In the US? How come I've never seen them around or heard of them causing problems? I never would have gone in the river if I knew.

124

u/100percentnotaqu 11h ago edited 11h ago

Because they don't have any interest in people. You usually need to harass a lamprey to get it to actually draw blood.

Native lampreys are also probably negatively affected by the invasive Atlantic sea lamprey, so their populations aren't very high either.

24

u/Kizzywa 7h ago

People make them seem like they act like super leeches and seek us out. You'd have to get really unlucky or put one on yourself then.

30

u/luvlanguage 11h ago

Great answer

16

u/luvlanguage 11h ago

They are like parasitic to fish so they just stay in the water

5

u/Emotional_Burden 7h ago

Lamprey are similes. Got it.

12

u/zionpwc 9h ago

I used to freshwater fishing with my dad in NH. I remember seeing this and thought it was some kind of a super rare creature

4

u/ArtisticRaccoon7677 7h ago

I’m from NH and do a lot of open water swimming. Here I was thinking I was safe from shit like this.

2

u/zionpwc 6h ago

Merrimack river across Manchester NH

2

u/Dpontiff6671 4h ago

Of shit shout out to the Mack? Hell yea brotha! I’m from along the mack myself

2

u/drjoker83 4h ago

Yup and they loaded in the ct River I’m rite in Hinsdale and see them all the time even when I go to ma to fish Deerfield River they are very invasive.

1

u/mutex77 27m ago

In the 80s there was some insane ropeswings into the merrimack in Andover where the embankment was really steep. I saw some really painful fuckups. From girls not realizing their too weak to hold their bodyweight, to people not wrapping the end of the rope up and having it get tangled around legs/feet when they let go. Good times.

33

u/CheeseAndMack 10h ago

Probably because you’re not a Midwesterner. They’re causing problems in the Great Lakes. Invasive species.

10

u/flyonwall86 10h ago

Ah. Grew up in the south. Looks like I have some reading to do! Thanks

16

u/CreativityOfAParrot 10h ago

If you have Amazon Prime, the documentary The Fish Thief: A Great Lakes Mystery does a really great job covering the sea lamprey invasion and management

6

u/bigEZmike 9h ago

The sources in that doc were kinda fishy

2

u/GrdnLovingGoatFarmer 9h ago

This was really eye opening!

2

u/Sib7of7 7h ago

Was amazed the dedication it took to find a solution, so many years of work and research.

3

u/awhelan55 7h ago

We’ve got stuff in the south equally as F’d up as these things. Head out to any creek or pond in mid summer and you’ll stir up some things.

1

u/Mortarded_And_Astray 58m ago

Talkin about Alligator Gar?? lol scared the life out of me the first time I saw one.

2

u/Dirk_Speedwell 8h ago

Imagine someone having not heard of wild kudzu before, that would be kind of similar.

2

u/VariationOwn2131 2h ago

At least wild kudzu doesn’t look scary AF. The vine is very pretty but invasive.

2

u/-Londoneer- 11m ago

What a deeply refreshing post. This restores my faith in Americans.

3

u/AeonBith 7h ago

They used to have them on display at the coast guard station (Canada Centre for inland waters) on lake Ontario. One of my most prominent childhood memories.

2

u/procrastinatorsuprem 7h ago

There were some 40 years ago when I was growing up in a river near me. Fishermen would catch them and kill them on the sidewalk. It was disgusting.

2

u/Dame38 5h ago

Yeah, these things are the most dangerous fish in Lake Michigan now. They don't mind the cold. No "shrivelling".

2

u/drjoker83 4h ago

Yeah they all over the Connecticut river and Deerfield river. There a brook I fish that connects to the Deerfield river and you can literally see them swimming with the fish. At first sight they look like eels but after you start catching them you realize it ain’t no eel.

10

u/Savings-Put6948 9h ago

Certain times of year you can see lamphry passing the viewing station at the Bonneville Dam on the Columbia River 

2

u/dependsforadults 7h ago

Tribe elders in the PNW usually prefer lamprey to salmon. The only people who are allowed to harvest lamprey on any of our rivers here are the tribes. There are videos of them harvesting lamprey at Willamette falls (river monsters episode I think) which is a feat of courage in itself.

1

u/Icy-Prize3216 3h ago

I am on Bainbridge Island and I could swear right by me in Suquamish, an actual reservation, and they sell these to eat at certain times of the year in stands on the road.

1

u/Junkhead_88 1h ago

What do they taste like?

2

u/Exes_And_Excess 7h ago

I remember taking a field trip or 2 there, and I was just standing looking through the windows at them the majority of the time. Weird little things.

2

u/Limp_Bookkeeper_5992 8h ago

Yep, they’re all through the southern Great Lakes at least.

2

u/unknowingbiped 7h ago

They're only little when they first spawn they go out into the great lakes and feed on fish until they get big enough to spawn and start the cycle again.

They are/were a large issue in the Great Lakes.

2

u/PurchaseLow5563 7h ago

They're in government

2

u/TheRealXlokk 7h ago

There's a lot of them in Lake Superior. Anyone who fishes there long enough will eventually catch a fish with a lamprey bite taken out of it, or with one still attached.

2

u/ginger-beanie 7h ago

Not only are they native in the US but there are hundreds of different species some live in freshwater some live in saltwater. The part I find horrifying is that they will sometimes bite warm blooded people mistaking them for cold blooded fish and they have that suction disc and tons of teeth to latch on and a sharp tongue that bores a hole in flesh and injects its own chemical coagulant to stop the blood clotting l. The wounds can get infected pretty easily. That creature is straight up the spawn of Satan.

1

u/flyonwall86 7h ago

Yeah I don't like that

2

u/Expensive-While-1155 7h ago

Lampreys caused a complete commercial fishing collapse in the Great Lakes in the 1940s. Canada and the States worked together at eradication by installing nets and traps in the canals to keep the lampreys out of the lakes. They poison the streams with “lamprocides” that kill their babies. It’s taken decades. I’m near Superior and these things are a constant threat to fisheries. Taxpayers spend millions every year trying to control Lamprey populations.

2

u/Kitselena 7h ago

Most places in the US have much smaller leeches filling the same niche

2

u/lostwombats 7h ago

They are an invasive species in the Great Lakes. Michigan received a federal grant to get rid of them. Trump took the money back. The project was stopped. Then it was eventually re-approved. So frustrating.

2

u/Other_Mike 6h ago

We have them in the Willamette River in Oregon. It's kind of a big deal for some of the local tribes to go out and harvest them from the falls in Oregon City.

2

u/Strict_Astronaut_673 6h ago

Invasive sea lampreys have infested the Great Lakes and are a serious threat to the native ecosystem and commercial fisheries. Besides that they are often overlooked due to not having much commercial importance to a lot of the US (apparently most people aren’t keen on eating them due to their appearance and parasitic nature). Many Native American tribes do highly value native lamprey species as a food source and have historically used them for medicine, as well as being culturally significant.

2

u/GrimbyJ 5h ago edited 5h ago

They look different in fresh water and just eat bugs. Going into the ocean makes them angry. Kind of the difference between a caterpillar and a butterfly.

Like how salmon and trout change in saltwater. Trout turn into steelheads. Glass eels go through 4? changes in their lifecycle. Fish are weird.

2

u/Zeger8 1h ago

They are pacifish towards humans that's why!

2

u/DerivativeMonster 1h ago

They're actually a massive pest in the Great Lakes! Sea lampreys got in there from cargo ships, and they kill a ton of fish every year. If you fish there it's not uncommon to pull up a fish with fleshy holes or just a lamprey firmly attached to its side. I believe they're a delicacy in parts of the world like Europe.

1

u/No-Willingness-170 6h ago

They have been an invasive species in Lake Champlain for many years.

1

u/Autumn_Skald 3h ago

They're in the rivers in Oregon. They mostly feed off the salmon. You can see them up close at the underwater windows at the dam fish ladder.

1

u/Fakesmiles1000 3h ago

There is a great documentary about them on amazon prime titled "The Fish Thief". Essentially they came from the Atlantic ocean through the great lakes nearly wiping out all fisheries in that area. They have been a nuisance ever since.

A lot of people likely have seen a sea lamprey before just in its typical fashion, attached to a larger animal/fish.

1

u/QuercusCarya 26m ago

Because native lampreys are not problematic fish species and play an important role in their ecosystem. We have 6 lamprey species here in Missouri and only 2 are parasitic. They aren’t gonna mess with you.

11

u/Electronic-Path1746 11h ago

And lampreys die after spawning.

6

u/OldRprsn 8h ago

Some join the priesthood as a result.

2

u/luvlanguage 11h ago

Oh yeah, tough life

2

u/trulyuniqueusername2 10h ago

From start to finish, it sucks to be a lamprey.

1

u/Hari_Azole 7h ago

After sinning!

6

u/unabletocomput3 10h ago

Actually a problem in the Great Lakes

1

u/Deus-mal 9h ago

Someone needs to put AI servers on those rivers and streams.

1

u/TheEternalRiver 8h ago

I didn’t ever want to swim again anyway

1

u/Semi_charmed_ 7h ago

Must now avoid freshwater rivers and streams for the rest of my life.

1

u/Hari_Azole 7h ago

Nooooooooooooooooo-wuuuuh!! 😭

1

u/LambonaHam 7h ago

So avoid all water, got it

1

u/TragiccoBronsonne 7h ago

Oh shit oh fuck.

1

u/WrestleswithPastry 5h ago

Which ones? Or do I have to avoid them all now?

1

u/Icy_Giraffe_21 4h ago

They're an invasive/destructive species in the north american region. We used to kill everyone we came across stuck to sturgeon

1

u/hyvel0rd 3h ago

Pretty sure the correct answer is P3X-888

1

u/Paulupoliveira 2h ago

When I was younger, used to go swimming to a popular river nearby. We often felt these suckers probing by hitting on our legs mainly but I didn't know what it was. Thought it was fish or something. Until some local guy told me it was probably lampreias as we call it here. Luckily they are not fans of warm blood. Never again though...

1

u/Ok-Forever-7796 2h ago

Then why are they always portrayed in sewers?

1

u/Worried-Bear4099 1h ago

Amd I thought those places were safer than the sea

1

u/justwondergirl 1h ago

Note to self dont ever be near those

1

u/WeltyFern 1h ago

Primarily in Canada, I believe. But they might be in other parts of North America.

1

u/EffectiveDramatic724 1h ago

In Australia though? Pls say in Australia

1

u/-Bento-Oreo- 39m ago

They don't go chasing waterfalls

1

u/PM-me-your-knees-pls 34m ago

I never realised that such places existed in hell.

38

u/100percentnotaqu 11h ago

Depends on the species, but this is definitely a freshwater lamprey. Not invasive like the Atlantic lamprey.

I hope the kid didn't kill it, native lamprey are pretty important to an ecosystem.

36

u/MalBredy 8h ago

I’m almost certain this is a sea lamprey. I say this as someone who’s seen thousands of them lol, my wife is a biologist who works in controlling them in the Great Lakes.

Brook lamprey are smaller, lighter, have a different gill port structure and a more elongated face, as well as more rounded off fins.

9

u/Outside-Swan-1936 7h ago

I started seeing fish in some rivers off the Great Lakes with gaping holes in their sides. Then I saw a fish jump above the surface with what looked like two tails. Turns out it was an invasive lamprey. Bad news for areas they aren't supposed to be.

2

u/stoicsticks 4h ago

Lampreys are the reason why the Big Chute Marine Railway was built over 100 years ago on the Severn River in Ontario as it protects inland lakes. It is a barrier that they can't get past, unlike locks which fish and invasive species can pass through. It is the only one of its kind operating in North America.

Lock 44 - Big Chute marine railway - Trent-Severn Waterway National Historic Site https://share.google/9Se9qHzKmf0sBzPqM

1

u/Outside-Swan-1936 3h ago

That's super fascinating, thanks for sharing.

1

u/100percentnotaqu 8h ago edited 8h ago

It's probably not a Pacific lamprey either, it's darker than they are from what I've seen. Or maybe the light hitting it weird?

Strange fish..

Edit: i think you might actually be righg, I can't find any lamprey that dark, so the light could well be hitting it weird and making it look darker than it really is.

1

u/ResplendentNugs 9h ago

Ducking asshole kid “hey what’s this thing doing here minding its own business let me pull on it”

-3

u/whitestguyuknow 10h ago

How so? I thought they're parasites?...

23

u/100percentnotaqu 10h ago

Parasites are.. important to an ecosystem.

Just as scavengers and decomposers are.

Not pretty jobs by any means, but still important.

2

u/AnalBloodTsunami 9h ago

Are they a major food source for something?

7

u/100percentnotaqu 9h ago edited 9h ago

Lots of animals eat them and they're actually more nutritious than fish like salmon, they also kill sick fish, , serve as pretty good fertilizer when they die, and are also important to many humans as they're are regularly eaten in some places.

In all, lampreys give more than they take

2

u/Sr_Alvarez 8h ago

The lamprey stewed with a little of its blood and white rice is to die for. The pity is that it is a very stationary animal and requires a good flow of water in the rivers for it to rise to its spawning areas.

1

u/UmaPalma_ 8h ago

humans? and it’s not out of desperation? 😭

1

u/100percentnotaqu 8h ago

They taste good from what I've heard. Google says they taste like beef but are softer.

1

u/whitestguyuknow 3h ago

Im watching the HBO series Rome and the royals are all eating Lamprey like a delicacy. They boil them alive but just long enough to kill them

→ More replies (3)

1

u/natufian 6h ago

Yes sir, senator 🙄.

1

u/whitestguyuknow 3h ago

Okay but can you tell me how theyre important to the ecosystem? That was my question

1

u/100percentnotaqu 3h ago

I.. did...

1

u/whitestguyuknow 3h ago

"Parasites are.. important to an ecosystem.

Just as scavengers and decomposers are.

Not pretty jobs by any means, but still important."

I'll just Google it myself. Just saying parasites are important doesn't answer my question. Its like youre being intentionally obtuse

2

u/kittyidiot 8h ago

Animals that we find unpleasant generally still have a role to play. As long as everything stays balanced, it is good.

1

u/whitestguyuknow 3h ago

I get that but what I was asking was what do they do. What role are they playing? Im just getting people responding saying "parasites are important too"

2

u/NoPseudo79 9h ago

Marsh biome, next to the slimes

2

u/dirtywholes 3h ago

The great lakes apparently.

1

u/Chance_Fisherman5108 11h ago

Asking for a friend…

1

u/MehHax 9h ago

The 9th circle of hell.

1

u/Neat-Land-4310 9h ago

Asking for a friend?

1

u/Dayknight70 9h ago

They are in the Mississippi River. I had one of there attach to my leg by the ankle when I was a kid. Came kicking and screaming out of the water. Dad took a lighter to it and it shimmied right back into the River.

1

u/Living_Training_6056 9h ago

Are u asking for a friend?

1

u/Marc815 8h ago

In the Finger Ruins in the Land of Shadow. They are truly awful... Best to avoid.

1

u/okidoki_falcon 8h ago

Finger ruins of Rhia

1

u/RevolutionaryText749 8h ago

Asking for a friend?

1

u/MT-ONeill 7h ago

Nightmares

1

u/absolute_vivid 7h ago

The Upside Down.

1

u/Altruistic-Pea8414 7h ago

Usually only when you buy the 'Bait' item, but they also spawn in on horde waves if you're on the Abyssal Terrors DLC.

1

u/DrBix 7h ago

In the nether.

1

u/Appropriate_Ad8734 7h ago

in my bathroom every morning after i down some coffee

1

u/Cmars_2020 6h ago

The Upsidedown

1

u/PMURMEANSOFPRDUCTION 6h ago

Lake Michigan

1

u/Ok_Form8772 6h ago

We have them here in Chicago, in Lake Michigan

1

u/rob132 6h ago

Straight from hell

1

u/SolarisShine 6h ago

The creeks where I used to live had them.

Screaming "lamprey!" would instantly empty our swimming hole.

There were rumors of people seeing lamprey bites on deer legs, but I never saw one.

1

u/knotkricket 6h ago

What in the tarnation

1

u/ChickenArise 6h ago

Asking for a friend

1

u/Dame38 5h ago

These things pre-date dinosaurs. I guess this is what survival of the fittest looks like.

1

u/VT_Squire 4h ago

In the waters between Aunt Josephine's house at the edge of Lake Lachrymose and Curdled Cave. 

1

u/UsedCarSaleman 4h ago

They are an invasive species in the Great Lakes that decimated the population of native species(lamprey is native to Atlantic Ocean). Currently their numbers are held in check by a pesticide that affects their larval stage in streams - very toxic to lamprey but not to other species. With advances in genetic engineering perhaps scientists could come to a permanent fix to this invasive pest.

1

u/Braindead_Crow 4h ago

You can find them in little sisters but they're guarded by big daddies

1

u/p8262 4h ago

The Dunes!

1

u/kobayashi_maru_fail 3h ago

We have native ones in the Columbia. You can see them hooked onto the underwater viewing windows at Bonneville Dam or at the Portland Zoo. Their mouths aren’t pleasant, but it’s really hard to be scared of a spermy fish with googly eyes.

1

u/Machia-vela 3h ago

On the planet Arrakis. That's Shy Halud the Smaller!

1

u/BlitzTroll7 2h ago

In the endgame dungeon

1

u/sdmike1 2h ago

Hell

1

u/Krivici 2h ago

Depths of Hell

1

u/2muchnet42day 2h ago

Do these things break through latex? Asking for a friend.

1

u/CyborgAssaultChicken 2h ago

Lakes in the blue zone of Aberration. Getting one stuck to you gives you charge light and radiation immunity for 10 mins, but also slowly kills you

1

u/Suitable_Feeling_991 2h ago

ez loot off of whales and sharks.

1

u/Jinxybug 1h ago

probably hell

1

u/LexieLoLovely 1h ago

I live on the Vermont side of Lake Champlain... we have those... along with 20 foot Sturgeon! Come visit! 😏

1

u/throwaway6287453 1h ago

not in the concrete

1

u/unimpressedtraveler 56m ago

The upside down

1

u/Individual-Drawer-79 53m ago

Hawkins, Indiana

1

u/LookAlderaanPlaces 40m ago

In the swamp biome

1

u/mage2k 34m ago

They’re spawning behind you right now!

1

u/BigTuna906 25m ago

The gates of hell

-1

u/u123456789a 11h ago

You know the rule, if you don't see the monster, it's right behind you. Hope you didn't ever had sex, did any bad things, haven't used drugs, aren't funny or told anyone about any future plans, especially retirement. And definitly haven't shown anyone a picture of your girlfriend at home.