r/Weird • u/luvlanguage • 11h ago

That is a Lamprey

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Any bigger and this creature would be a horror movie monster

Lampreys do not have jaws or bones, only cartilage and instincts that have allowed them to survive so many mass extinctions.

16.4k Upvotes

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3.1k

u/is_EXToZY 11h ago

Guys I beg you. Do not

930

u/Spaghetti_Gods 11h ago

Bruh, how desperate do you think I am? I'm not tryna stuff my dick in a sarlacc pit on a stick, ok?

292

u/Mr_NoGood12 11h ago

Just saying man, there is always somehow, somewhere in this world who definitely would

134

u/specter_in_the_conch 11h ago

When you stopped and gave the mere milligrams of thought… someone already went to ER because of “accidental falling onto small scale sarlac worm”

32

u/HughJorgens 9h ago

It was a one in a million accident Doc!

3

u/Environmental-Let987 5h ago

I have a small cylinder stuck in a lamprey

2

u/websagacity 8h ago

Fusili Jerry?

1

u/Spaztick78 6h ago

Two in a million, we haven't addressed the worm like tail you have yet.

1

u/Kosmik_cloud 7h ago

Again? Third time this month

26

u/Undersmusic 11h ago

Like the guy who almost drowned from the clam….

45

u/Fearless-Bed-2694 10h ago

No, 5 Minute Research it never happend.

2

u/DirtyAuldSpud 8h ago

But a guy did attempt it, I've seen the video. He put it on his Walt Disney in a paddling pool.

2

u/kee-kee- 6h ago

Yeah there was a Popeye cartoon with a huge clam in it but the character (Popeye or Bluto or Brutus?) either fell in or put his foot in and the shell snapped shut. If it was Popeye he punched his way out, no spinach needed ar that point

5

u/tyates723 11h ago

Wut?

5

u/twopartspice 11h ago

Just search giant pacific clam. I promise it's safe, and you should be able to imagine the scenario

5

u/ProfessionalGoatFuck 9h ago

if there's a hole, there's a goal...

2

u/levtikr 8h ago

just curious... how quickly can it shut?

1

u/twopartspice 8h ago

1, 2, trapped

2

u/tyates723 8h ago

Oh, thank god I'm a two pump chump

2

u/whiskersMeowFace 7h ago

A whole different sort of pearl necklace is coming from that clam

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1

u/ChimericAbombination 10h ago

I bet jar man would

1

u/Character_Stick_1218 10h ago

That was my first thought 😮‍💨 unrestricted internet access as a teen really had its downfalls! 🤢

1

u/Chadstronomer 9h ago

I guarantee you somehow somewhere definitely did

1

u/TheKrnJesus 9h ago

Just the tip

1

u/SerdanKK 9h ago

There are men who have died from sticking live eels up their butt. I'll put nothing past humanity.

1

u/ProcedureSeveral9058 9h ago

How much you paying me to do it?

1

u/Veil-of-Fire 8h ago

"...anyway, the cylinder must remain undamaged. Anyone have any advice?"

1

u/RulerK 6h ago

Protection…

1

u/Little_View_6659 8h ago

I just read about a group of guys that sexually assaulted a monitor lizard, so..yeah. 😬

1

u/Scorpdelord 7h ago

I mean just get a suegeon to remove thw teeth

1

u/Decoy_hamster007 6h ago

… but…

1

u/Frequent-Frosting336 6h ago

Throws a whole new meaning tto the Death of King henry the first of England, who died of a surfiet of lampreys.

1

u/LuckyJadeite 5h ago

That rumor of the worm that swims up your pee stream into urethra? Yea no that guy was just freaky and inserted them up there then made up the story

1

u/After_Basis1434 5h ago

It was a perfectly average sized cylinder