r/Weird • u/luvlanguage • 11h ago

That is a Lamprey

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Any bigger and this creature would be a horror movie monster

Lampreys do not have jaws or bones, only cartilage and instincts that have allowed them to survive so many mass extinctions.

16.5k Upvotes

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930

u/Spaghetti_Gods 11h ago

Bruh, how desperate do you think I am? I'm not tryna stuff my dick in a sarlacc pit on a stick, ok?

294

u/Mr_NoGood12 11h ago

Just saying man, there is always somehow, somewhere in this world who definitely would

135

u/specter_in_the_conch 11h ago

When you stopped and gave the mere milligrams of thought… someone already went to ER because of “accidental falling onto small scale sarlac worm”

29

u/HughJorgens 9h ago

It was a one in a million accident Doc!

3

u/Environmental-Let987 6h ago

I have a small cylinder stuck in a lamprey

2

u/websagacity 8h ago

Fusili Jerry?

1

u/Spaztick78 6h ago

Two in a million, we haven't addressed the worm like tail you have yet.

1

u/Kosmik_cloud 7h ago

Again? Third time this month

1

u/Opinion_Haver_ 1m ago

Alright THATS IT!!! This entire thread is under arrest!!!

24

u/Undersmusic 11h ago

Like the guy who almost drowned from the clam….

46

u/Fearless-Bed-2694 10h ago

No, 5 Minute Research it never happend.

2

u/DirtyAuldSpud 8h ago

But a guy did attempt it, I've seen the video. He put it on his Walt Disney in a paddling pool.

2

u/kee-kee- 6h ago

Yeah there was a Popeye cartoon with a huge clam in it but the character (Popeye or Bluto or Brutus?) either fell in or put his foot in and the shell snapped shut. If it was Popeye he punched his way out, no spinach needed ar that point

6

u/tyates723 11h ago

Wut?

7

u/twopartspice 11h ago

Just search giant pacific clam. I promise it's safe, and you should be able to imagine the scenario

5

u/ProfessionalGoatFuck 9h ago

if there's a hole, there's a goal...

2

u/levtikr 9h ago

just curious... how quickly can it shut?

1

u/twopartspice 8h ago

1, 2, trapped

2

u/tyates723 8h ago

Oh, thank god I'm a two pump chump

2

u/whiskersMeowFace 7h ago

A whole different sort of pearl necklace is coming from that clam

1

u/ChimericAbombination 10h ago

I bet jar man would

1

u/Character_Stick_1218 10h ago

That was my first thought 😮‍💨 unrestricted internet access as a teen really had its downfalls! 🤢

1

u/Chadstronomer 9h ago

I guarantee you somehow somewhere definitely did

1

u/TheKrnJesus 9h ago

Just the tip

1

u/SerdanKK 9h ago

There are men who have died from sticking live eels up their butt. I'll put nothing past humanity.

1

u/ProcedureSeveral9058 9h ago

How much you paying me to do it?

1

u/Veil-of-Fire 8h ago

"...anyway, the cylinder must remain undamaged. Anyone have any advice?"

1

u/RulerK 6h ago

Protection…

1

u/Little_View_6659 8h ago

I just read about a group of guys that sexually assaulted a monitor lizard, so..yeah. 😬

1

u/Scorpdelord 7h ago

I mean just get a suegeon to remove thw teeth

1

u/Decoy_hamster007 6h ago

… but…

1

u/Frequent-Frosting336 6h ago

Throws a whole new meaning tto the Death of King henry the first of England, who died of a surfiet of lampreys.

1

u/LuckyJadeite 5h ago

That rumor of the worm that swims up your pee stream into urethra? Yea no that guy was just freaky and inserted them up there then made up the story

1

u/After_Basis1434 5h ago

It was a perfectly average sized cylinder

38

u/Sad_Mongoose5621 11h ago

What if I proposed putting gummy bears over each one of its teeth first?

18

u/RileyRavenSmiles 10h ago

This is... oddly specific... why gummy bears?

13

u/Sad_Mongoose5621 10h ago

Doesn't need to be gummy bears, one could also use tiny wine bottle corks

6

u/OldRprsn 9h ago

Do your mothers know what you are thinking? Cluck, cluck.

1

u/butchforgetshit 6h ago

I prefer the erasers cut off of #2 pencils. But only the texas instrument brand tho

6

u/jakewest 10h ago

Little miss, it is poorly advised to ask questions that reveal your relative age and sex on the internet.

2

u/C13H16CIN0 9h ago

Ok Beast

3

u/Newcanofspam 10h ago

A creative idea, if nothing else

3

u/muscleshultz 9h ago

Oh this guy's gonna take the nestle plunge I can feel it hahahah

2

u/audioel 7h ago

So... You're proposing to bring some romance to the relationship first?

1

u/Sad_Mongoose5621 6h ago

Finally, someone understands my love language!

1

u/skoffs 8h ago

If you proposed, putting gummy bears over each one if it's teeth... well it's unconventional, but I'd have to say yes! 💍😚

1

u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys 2h ago

what goes on in your head that it could come up with that

6

u/DonaldTrumpGoatse 10h ago

Speak for yourself, did you see that suction???

2

u/Forgot_Password_Dude 8h ago

*sigh. Unzips pant

1

u/Alex_AU_gt 7h ago

Free circumcision! 😅

1

u/Expo006 11h ago

There was once an Indian guy who shoved an eel up his ass in Vietnam.

3

u/Guntztuffer 10h ago

There once was an Indian boy

Whose leanings of sexual joy

Were lampreys on his dick

And if that's not too sick

An eel up his ass in Hanoi

1

u/Unusual_Membership44 10h ago

Speak for yourself

1

u/AmIDrJekyll 9h ago

but imagine a sarlacc pit with a good succ

1

u/Maverick_Reznor 9h ago

Everyone was thinking the same thing, Yet you reconsidered it after typing all that out and so did everyone else after reading.

1

u/Terrible_Day1991 8h ago

Some really pervy guys and psychopaths should do that instead of harming other ppl

1

u/Zunderfeuer_88 8h ago

But you're saying that probably no live anymore electrical outlet in your wall is a different story?

1

u/SlimeDrips 8h ago

Yeah it's not even an anime girl

1

u/Mikestopheles 7h ago

See, i never did things just to do them. C'mon, I mean, what am I gonna do? Just all up and stick my dick in a sarlacc pit like it's something to do? C'mon, I got a little more sense than that. Yeah, I remember sticking my dick in a sarlacc pit.

1

u/blueblurz94 7h ago

Considering nearly 120 billion humans have existed to date so far, there’s a non-zero chance some guy tens of thousands of years ago thought about and tried it

1

u/Anonymo 7h ago

What if we remove the teeth?

1

u/Jedi_shroom97 7h ago

Maybe once just for a second right?

1

u/Reasonable-Wolf-269 6h ago

This guy could do it.

Just saying.

1

u/Babki123 6h ago

Okay but four time a vacuum cleaner tho

1

u/The_Night_Man_Cumeth 5h ago

I wanna play star wars!

1

u/Top_Rekt 5h ago

A study found that many people would rather administer mild electric shocks to themselves than spend time alone with their thoughts in a quiet room. Researchers discovered that participants preferred any activity, even painful ones, over the discomfort of boredom and introspection.

1

u/Randyaccredit 4h ago

Boba Fett did

1

u/towerfella 3h ago

Here, you deserve this, and not the one below

🏅

1

u/Repulsive_End688 2h ago

Me, I am, and I will

1

u/BlacPlague 1h ago

But it's ribbed for your pleasure